I Am Lucky to be Alive

Well, since the last post, I have had my tonsils removed and the back and top of my throat reconstructed. It has certainly been an experience. I must say not as bad as I was thinking it was going to be, but not something I would enjoy doing regularly. Tonsillectomies are usually thought of as a childhood thing, but in my case, no, I am 36. I started asking to have my tonsils removed when I was like 10 years old. The docs had removed my adenoids but for some weird reason they left my tonsils. It has been something I have dealt with since. I felt horrible the other day as my father was apologizing to me for not being more assertive with the doctors then and I wouldn't have to deal with it now. It's not their fault. Believe me, most doctors seem to just do what they think is right with no regard to the patients feelings. There are a few of them out there though. I think I may have found some FINALLY!!!

On Tuesday, I was accompanying Kyler to the doctor while waiting to find out when I was supposed to go to the hospital for surgery. During the time I was there, one of my docs that I have seen since the beginning called me to tell me that he had written a letter and stated some specific diagnoses and that they were valid for the stipulations that Social Security had given me. This was great, as he pretty much stated everything in that letter that was questioned and still managed to maintain my dignity. He said that he was angry that this had gone on so long and that I deserved to get what I need, which I have worked for and earned. To be fair, he has always been good to me. Then I heard from the hospital and was told when to be there. We got ourselves together and went to the hospital, at which point things were REALLY different than they have ever been. I went in there and people smiled at me and were making jokes because the BP cuff wouldn't work, then the doctor came in and took me to the little room and talked to me for like 20 minutes. He explained to me in great detail what he would be doing and why and then told me in great detail how the recovery would be. He asked me what I would like to do about medication and then did what I asked of him. THIS WAS A SHOCKER!! I wasn't at the hospital 30 minutes before they had me in the operating room putting me to sleep. It was sooooo nice to not have to sit and starve and wait for hours. Then to have the doctor actually chat with us and listen to me, well I haven't had that experience for a very long time.

Fast Forward to post surgery. The doc came out and spoke with Dan and told him that the surgery took an extra long time because my tonsils were very badly scarred. He said they were hard to get out, but that everything went well and I was doing fine. This is information that we kind of expected. After 25 years of problems no one could really think they would be pretty. I went to a room and then I remember Dan being there and then my parents showed up I think and then my sister and brother-in-law and my nephew. I have no idea what they said or what I may have said. Everything was and is still a blur until about midnight that night. I do remember thinking that it was cool that I could actually talk. I thought I would be whispering for a while. Too bad for my kids, my voice is a little weird and quieter, but not silent.

The plan was that I would go home on Wednesday after having been observed overnight. These plans changed though. Wednesday morning I starting throwing up and could not keep anything down, even the medication. Let me just tell you. There is not much worse pain than throwing up after throat surgery. Anyway, the nice nurse gave me some meds through my IV and I slept for a while. I woke up a few hours later when they were trying to give me more meds and decided to mix them in something like yogurt so I wouldn't choke trying to swallow them. This seemed smart and worked for a while, but then I got even sicker and could hold anything down including my temperature. Then my face started getting numb and tingly,OH THAT OLD FAMILIAR FEELING, at which point the doctor called in the big guns to check me out neurologically, worried that I was going to have a stroke or something and considering my history this was scary. After all the fun and games, it was agreed that the antibiotic was making me sick and that the numb and tingle was just how my body reacted to the shock of throwing up after throat surgery. The problem has now been solved with giving me nausea medication when I take the antibiotic. They kept me until Thursday though, just to be sure. Here is where the really scary conversation came. The doctor came in to see me on Thursday morning and chatted with me for a while. We had briefly spoken before of my history of the past 3 years and he had expressed that he thought my tonsils could have been a part of the problem. As he spoke to me this time, he said that he was amazed that I had not died in my sleep and that he had not seen tonsils that were that scarred and mangled before. That I was lucky to be alive and that my tonsils were probably a huge part of the problem. He cautioned me to not put all of my hope in the "tonsil" fix, but that there really wasn't any way that I could breath properly and especially when I slept. That he would be interested to see what results this might bring for me. He was appalled that no other doctor would listen to me plea to remove them, that the excuse of me being an adult and the life threatening part was worse by them doing nothing. He actually said I had been done an injustice and that he hope that he had at least done a small something to help me. I literally walked in to the office and met this doc and he did surgery all in less than a week. I believe I was being led, FINALLY!! My neurologist keep digging as well and I believe he is doing a good job of trying to help me as well.

Dan has now told me that he worries because he can't hear me sleeping. That I don't snore or gasp for air or anything. Just sleep. I have myself noticed a drastic change, it's nice. Although I feel bad that Dan has to worry about me so much. He has been wonderful to me, I wonder a lot how I found him and remain deserving of him.

I am hurting, but nothing unbearable and I know it will pass soon. It's nice to have a glimmer of hope. Even though it's a cautious one.

Thank you to all of our family and friends and ward members. There has been an outpouring of love to us during this time. Especially thanks to Nicole and Cameron for keeping Jake. There is no way to express how much we appreciate knowing that he was cared for. They are still unpacking from moving and did this for us. We really do appreciate it.

Well, I guess now that this is a novel, I shall sign off. Stay tuned for the update on Dan's knee surgery on July 9th. YES, I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS!! We do everything together :-)

~Christy