This last Monday I did something that was probably one of the hardest things I've done in my entire life. I know that I sound like a baby when I say this, but it really was very hard. The past 5 years have been the hardest and worst years of my life. I have had health problems that for a while I thought would take my life. They didn't, but they certainly changed it. During all of this, I had one very steady, unwavering thing. His name was Buddy. Yes, I have Dan and my kids and family and friends, but there is something different about the four legged furry support and therapy Buddy gave me. It didn't matter what I had done. If I had corrected him or spent time away or whatever. He was always waiting in the window then at the door when I came in. There was some pretty good comfort in knowing that he would be waiting when I got there. He was one that if he thought some one was hurt or hurting, he'd go after who ever hurt them or at the very least give you kisses or snuggles so that you knew he was watching out for you and loving you. He was a fierce defender of our home and of our family. He loved everyone. So fiercely that when some one would try to leave (and I do mean anyone) he would stand between them and the door and bark. I always said he was telling them to have a safe trip home and that they didn't really have to leave ;-) He was even more fiercely loyal to me. All you would have to do is make me feel bad for any reason, then you were toast.
A little over a year ago Buddy started acting a little weird and appearing to hurt badly and was having problems with the training he had, etc. He would shake like crazy but we for a while just sort of passed that off as his nature because he was a fairly hyper dog. One day it got really bad so I took him to the vet and they told me he not only had a double ear infection, but that he had a bladder stone that would have to be removed surgically to relieve him of the pain. The surgery was horribly expensive so we couldn't have that done. Plus, they said that he would probably have it happen again even if he had the surgery. I battled with myself for over a year trying to decide what to do about this. It seemed that every time I even thought of relieving him of his pain he would rally and act as if there was nothing wrong. I think he knew that I would have a very hard time doing it, so he tried to make me not have to do it. One day about 10 days ago he laid on the couch all day and whimpered and looked like he was really struggling. At this point I decided that I could not make him go through this any longer. Especially since it was pretty much for me. I made the decision to have him put to sleep so that he would not have to hurt anymore. He fulfilled every measure of his name "Buddy" and more. There is a definite void in our lives and our home now. Even the cat is missing him. It is very quiet and it's hard not to have him in the window watching for us. The only thing that gets me/us through is the knowledge that he is no longer in pain. We are so lucky appreciative to Erica, who helped us so much with this. She works at the vet and held him when it was done so that he wasn't alone. I couldn't do it but am comforted that he was being held and loved when this happen. I couldn't have that picture in my mind, so she did it for me.
A friend of mine told me to think about it in that he is now sitting at the feet of Heavenly Father. Warming them and giving him the love he has. Also, my sister had to put her dog to sleep a couple of years ago and she thinks that they are now playing together in Heaven, waiting and preparing for all of us.
He was a spectacular dog. Very loving and loyal and I/we miss him so much. We are working through it, but it's so hard. Life is just not the same. He will be waiting though. He's watching over and protecting us and will be waiting at the door when we arrive.
God Speed Buddy. I hope your trip over the rainbow was easy and peaceful. Until we meet again.