Monday, March 22, 2010
Today I am starting my week long liquid diet. I know that sounds crazy, but it's what I have to do. Required for my surgery. So far, it's been OK. I can chew gum and drink sugar free stuff. Also, I get to have 4 protein shakes a day. So really I'm not starving. I am also allowed sugar free Popsicles and jello. This way it feels like I'm eating something of substance. I have been preparing myself for this for a while by having only protein drink for at least one, sometimes two meals a day. I found that I can do this, I just have to have the will power. I am very determined to get this surgery, so I will do what is required. I have new problems popping up on close to a weekly basis. This surgery will hopefully help most of those things. I am absolutely aware that is won't solve my problems with my neck and spine, but I am trying to solve, or at least help, everything I can. It's a vicious cycle with weight. Add other things to it and it makes it almost impossible to lose any. I have to exercise to lose weight, but can't because of my neck and spine. Which in turn makes it so I can't lose, and really gain. This surgery is giving me hope. Something I haven't had much of for a very long time. Lets just hope that the happenings over the weekend don't postpone it.
So, two Sundays ago I started coughing uncontrollably. I really couldn't breath. I didn't sleep at all Sunday night because every time I laid down I would cough and choke. Wasn't doing well sitting up either. I was sure I had caught something from the guy who sat behind me in church and coughed all over me. Not good 2 weeks before surgery. I went to the doc, he gave me some stuff, then I felt a lot better Tuesday. So then this last Saturday I really started having trouble again. No sleep Saturday night. Finally on Sunday when I got really scared I decided to go to the insta care where I walked in and the lady said, "Your lips are blue, we need to get you in immediately." I didn't know my lips were blue, but OK. My stats were at 54. They gave me a breathing treatment really quick and I was told if my stats didn't improve drastically I was going in the hospital. GREAT!! Just what I need! Anyway, they did improve, they gave me one more treatment, then sent me home with a handful of inhalers and stuff and meds. I am currently waiting word from the surgeon whether this is going to affect things or not.
What we figured out is that I had an allergic reaction the the paint primer called KILZ, that Dan used while he's been painting for the last couple of weeks. This caused a major Asthma attack, that almost literally killed me. I told Dan they named that primer correctly. He has stopped painting for now, but will continue at a later date when I am over all of this. These are the major reasons I need this surgery. Hopefully it will fix my immune system enough to get through things like this.
Anyway, I am hopeful that things will be fine and go as planned. All I can do is hope. Wish me luck that me and my family make it through this week :-) Life is changing drastically, and hopefully for the better.
PS- check the comments, things have changed!!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
A friend posted this on her facebook status..."Be Still My Soul, the waves and winds still changing. His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below." An ending line of a verse of a hymn.
I can't state how much this line applies to me right now. I have to keep reminding myself to try and put it all in his hands. The first line of this hymn is..."Be Still My Soul, the Lord is on thy side; with patience bear, thy cross." I didn't state the entire line, but there is enough there to make my point. I am trying VERY hard to keep thinking positively and do what I'm supposed to so that mine and my family's lives are good. It gets really hard and I lose perspective a lot now. I'm glad that there are people who do a better job with that perspective and help me to as well.
In the last few weeks, there have been many trials and challenges. Ones that we had hoped and prayed we would never have to deal with.
We are facing the reality that Dan is likely to be laid off soon. It's not a sure thing yet, but a very likely happening. He has worked since he was 14 and never had even one day withough a job. We will be OK, Dan has done his homework and things shouldn't be too bad, but preparations are being made here. I am a worrywart, always have been and I try not to, but fear it's something I just am. I guess maybe this is the way in which he will be able to get a job doing something he really enjoys.
One of our daughters was hurt in a way which is very hard to get past. She is doing pretty well and trying to move on from it, but as a parent, I am having a really hard time not just wanting justice! It's hard to see people who ruin other peoples lives just seemingly get away with nothing but a stern warning and a slap on the hand. That said, I'm trying to put my trust in the Lord and the public authorities that they will do what needs to be done with this person and all of those around them that are either helping them or also being affected.
The ongoing struggle with trying to figure out how to help Kyler continues. He's a good kid with a huge heart. He would give the shirt off his back for just about anyone. He would do anything for anyone. He does a good job at work, and he has been busy, but has worried a lot about his peers in the church. He is simply misdirected. Dan and I have tried just about everything we know how to help him get some direction. Life with his sickness can't be easy. Add his age and the things that go with that to it and it's got to be very hard. I get very frustrated sometimes and I wish I could figure out how to better handle things with him. But having him learn how to deal with things better, I want more. Yesterday was a mission farewell for some one that he has known since he was 4. They haven't always been the best of friends, but he was absolutely distraught that many of his peers are leaving. He's happy for him and supportive of him going on a mission, but isn't sure how things are going to be now that he will be gone. I feel bad that Kyler feels so bad about this, but have tried to use it as a teaching tool. That he needs to focus on making himself better so he can use the example being set for him. He's a brilliant young man, we just hope he finally realizes this sometime soon.
I hope that everyone knows that I am really trying hard to remember who I am and realize that I do have "The Lord On My Side". I just get lost sometimes. The constant and sometimes multiple trials at once that have hit us the past few years sometimes seems to be too much to handle. I'm trying to learn and count on who and what I need to. I just want things to be happy again. It's been a long time. I love my husband and I love my kids. I just want to have the way things used to be return to my home. At least the loving happy part.
Thanks to all of you who read our blog.