Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I Hope to Be Half the Person I Am Now

Things around here are crazy as always. Everyone going all different directions. There are days that when I lay my head down on the pillow I am out faster than flipping a switch, unfortunately, there are other days that I cannot sleep because of the thoughts running around in my mind.
It looks like pretty soon I will be having a gastric Bypass. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's where they make your stomach into a small pouch and re-route your small intestines to the pouch. It makes it so you can only eat 4-6 oz at a time. This is pretty much the only way I am ever going to be able to lose weight. I have tried a lot of things, and the lack of being able to strenuously exercise has made it all but impossible. I will still have to exercise after this, but doing what I already am doing is sufficient. I was told yesterday that I would be scheduled as soon as they can get a couple more blood test results. So probably by the end of the week I will know more. I know that everyone has their own experiences and opinions about this and that you only have my best interests at heart, but what I am asking of everyone is that you support me through this as I have thought long and hard about this, I have prayed, I have seen doctors and done a lot of research and I as well as Dan feel this is what's best for me. I need to have the knowledge that I have done everything I can possibly do to help myself with my other issues. I will need your help and support for a little while.
Making the decision to have this surgery has pushed me to do some things that I didn't really ever think I would be able to do. I have been 8 days with no caffeine or carbonation. Many of you know that caffeine has been a pain management system for me. I just decided I had better deal with that situation before the surgery. I will have enough to recover from without having that on top of it. This week I am starting on a small level doing the meal replacement (protein shakes) and a multi vitamin. I'm starting slow, but will work up to more as the week before surgery I will have to only eat these and liquids. This morning has been OK. I actually think it may have helped my headache. I woke up with a horrible one that was making me nauseous. I don't feel great, but better. Hopefully by doing it this way, I am not only preparing, but breaking some habits that I have battled for a very long time.
During the last few weeks interesting things have happened. I was sitting in church 3 weeks ago when I started getting a horrific pain down my leg. After trying to just adjust how I was sitting a few times I decided to come home. This is such a hard thing for me. I know the drill with this. After the horrific pain and swelling, the next step is losing function all together. I couldn't believe this was happening again. I went through a couple of days really not knowing what to do and very much in despair. How could this be happening? Again? Well, the function came back, it's not great, but I can walk. Also during this time I had been dealing with what everyone thought was an infection. Well, after taking an entire round of antibiotics, it came back with a vengeance. Long story short, I had Ecoli poisoning. No idea where it came form or how long I had it, but they put me on a super antibiotic (same stuff they were giving the anthrax victims) and now I am doing better.
We are trying hard to stay upbeat. It's hard sometimes, but we're really working on it. We just keep hoping that the full court press will be coming to an end soon for us.
Thanks to all of you who have checked up on us and shown some concern. Support and friendship and love is what keeps us going.