Tuesday, February 18, 2014

More Rambling Thoughts In the Night

It has been a while since I posted anything on here. I have been trying to make a real effort to not post when I was feeling upset. Unfortunately, this is not to be. This blog does serve as a place to say what I feel and let you know of things happening in our lives and if there is still anyone reading this I'm sorry if it upsets you, but I need to share my feelings and not be scolded for them. This is our blog and therefore it should be a safe place for sharing my thoughts. Although I don't want everyone to stop reading it, it is your choice and I would hope you would simply not read it rather than get upset over what may or may not be contained in it. 

Over the past month or so, there have been some really good things go on for our family. I was able to start back at my old job at Vivint in Account Creation on January 6th. I had to put in my time with a not so wonderful shift, but I did eventually get back to my graveyards about 3 weeks ago. It's nice. It opens up so many more things for me in regards to being there for my family in every way. I am not only helping pay the bills, I am there when they are. Yes, I am tired most of the time, but that has been my normal state for years :-/ Megan also got a job in Account Creation at Vivint. She is loving it and seems to be doing quite well. Aubree got transferred to the McDonalds across the street from our house, but as of yet has not been scheduled. I don't understand why this happens every time with her, but we will get it going soon. Probably the biggest thing is that Kyler also became employed by Vivint. Originally he was going to be a summer technician in Memphis TN, but then Derek, (Tracie's husband) also started with Vivint and is a lead technician in Greenville SC, so Kyler will be working under him there. This is and will continue to be an adjustment and all around new experience for Kyler and for all of us, but we all feel it will be a good one. He has more training this week and then hopefully more will be known. It does help Dan and I and most likely Kyler, to know that Derek will be there. Not that anyone is expecting him to do anything special for Kyler, but it helps to know there is someone familiar around for him as he embarks on this new chapter in his life. It will certainly be an adventure. I guess it could be both good and bad for Kyler having 3 of us working in AC where he has to call to submit any of his job. We are here to help him and will, but I hope he doesn't feel we will be mean or something. Having us in these positions actually helps him in the respect that we can give him pointers on how to make things work more efficiently when it comes to the accounts. Some worry that we are putting too many eggs in the Vivint basket, but it is one of top businesses nationwide and gaining internationally. Our CEO has been on TV and in the paper so much lately, even on a national level, that at least for now, I think we are pretty safe. Dan just found out that he is transferring teams at work. It is a lateral move, but hopefully one that sets up something better. Dan's knee is doing quite well. It still hurts sometimes, but that is to be expected. He has done an excellent job of healing though. It won't be long before he is hiking, etc. again. Anyway, Jake is just being an almost 13 year old, but he is also pretty much a straight A student. He recently transferred to the percussion section in band and is doing very well. He even gets to participate in band festival and play with the symphonic bands and such. He takes after me in this. Just about the only thing... We are proud of how hard he works to do well in school. 

For Christmas, we got a new puppy...Meet Chandler Bing.

He is so much fun. Dan and Chandler sit and howl together, he gets so excited to see me/us whenever we have been gone (even when it's just to the bathroom or something). I had made a statement and really a rule before and really meant it, that I would never get another dog. I simply couldn't take the heartache of possibly losing another one.  Dan convinced me that we needed one and Ben and Macame just happened to have one for us, so I caved. Even though it has been a little challenging having what sometimes seems like a newborn in our home, I am glad I caved. I love him to pieces and I am glad he is part of our family. This picture is soooo him. He lays like this and if you pick him up he planks. It's pretty funny. He is doing pretty well with the cats. Tazzy could care less, Speedy scares him and poor Charlie is sort of his chew toy, but he seems to like to play with him and for the most part holds his own. We just keep a careful eye out for Charlie. All is well in the four legged furry part of our family. 

On an emotional level, at least for me. It has become so hard and discouraging sometimes that I have really felt like sometimes I could just not exist and everyone would have such a better life. I don't even have the support from many in my family. I don't know how to make them understand that I am not asking them to change anything about their beliefs or ways of life. I just want love and support for me and mine. Over the last month or so, we have been made aware of more people who are so uncomfortable around us that they can't even simply be civil. We aren't scary, we aren't mean, we aren't any different than we have always been. We just simply don't believe or agree with most. I can't understand how me/us following my/our beliefs and hearts has any bearing on anyone else's lives. I'm sorry if it offends people, but I am done being told to be quiet, that my feelings aren't correct and that I need to straighten up and do things right before I open my mouth or express any kind of opinion. I listen to what everyone has to say and sometimes even agree, and heaven forbid, support them in their endeavors, even when I may not agree,  but somehow whatever I say is so offensive I am told to stop almost without fail. It's a rough place to be. I'm supposed to be happy and hopeful, but never express a feeling other than joy. This causes a lot to build and it doesn't lead anyone to a happy place. 

This winter has been harsh to me. Even though it hasn't been a terrible winter, my body seems to be breaking down more and more every year and winter sometimes feels like it will be the death of me. I will find a warm climate to live in. It is a need for my physical and therefore my emotional well being. Our need to be able to live as a family in love and peace, without so much pain has become my life's goal. It can't happen here. Too many outside factors causing problems. We need to be in a place where our friends/family are our friends because of who we are, not what they want us to be. Not that we don't have some here that are true and good friends, which we love and appreciate. We/I just need to be able to not feel paranoid and find out later that I'm tolerated instead of loved.  

Anyway, in a couple of months hopefully Megan will be graduating and things will be going forward for her. We are excited to see where she will go from here. 

Hopefully life is treating all of our loved ones well. Know that you are thought of and appreciated and loved often.