A Glimmer of Hope

So today I went to this place and was given what they called a "Functional Capacity Evaluation". I have not been happy about having to do this since I was told I would be required to. This is something that the insurance company that has had to pay me Long Term Disability decided was a must because as of yet I have not been given an official diagnosis. If there is no official diagnosis, I must be faking it right? My case worker at the insurance company called me the day all of this started again. Funny how she just knows to call when I am in the middle of a crisis. This is not the first time she has done this. Anyway, she called and told me I would have to do this and that there would be people contacting me with an address and stuff. "OK, whatever I have to do" I said. Next thing I knew I received a letter in the mail telling me that I had to go to Murray to do the test. (For those of you who have no idea where Murray is, it's like 30 miles north of here, straight up the freeway) At this point I was still able to drive around town, but haven't driven on the freeway hardly at all for like 2 years. I get severely motion sick and fear passing out and it isn't safe for me or anyone else on the road when this happens. So I called back the insurance lady and told her she would have to either find me a place around here, or find someone to drive me. Dan had other obligations today. So much to her unhappiness she arranged transportation for me. A van showed up to get me at 6:45 AM this morning and took me there. I have been worried sick about what these people were going to try and make me do. Thinking that I would severely hurt myself trying to prove myself.

Much to my happiness, the guy that did the testing was wonderful. He reassured me that I could stop at any time, but that trying to do things showed effort. I am a pretty determined person(No comment from the peanut gallery) and would like to gain back some credibility so this was great. I at least attempted to do everything. The test that was supposed to take 4 hours took something like 1 hour and 45 minutes. He never told me directly, but when I asked him why it didn't take as long as we thought it would, he said that normally it would. He also stopped me several times when he thought I was overdoing and becoming dangerous to myself. While many of you may be confused at why this makes me happy, I don't like being totally incapable of doing things, but VALIDATION is soooooo great. I couldn't even simply just sit without falling over. He did say that I was clearly pretty messed up. He also has stated that he disagrees with some of the diagnosis of the past, but that he isn't a neurologist and specializes in physiology/therapy, so his opinion doesn't hold much bearing. This being said, I am just hoping and trusting that he now reports what he said to me. My arm swelled and my leg buckled under me and my heart rate was very high, and everything. Usually I seem to get a second wind or something when these things happen. Anyway, now I just wait for the verdict.

Well, I hope that this doesn't make me sound crazy, but more and more now people are starting to understand and see that I am really sick. This gives me hope that maybe some one might figure it out.

Thanks to those of you who have let me know that you are caring lately. It really does help me to see things a little more clearly. Still have a ways to go, but working at it.

~Christy