Dan, and some randomness

Well, I thought I had better put something on here. Since it's been a week. I think Dan will have something more interesting on soon, but I am posting so you all don't just stop reading.

As many of you know, the first few years that Dan and I were married, he was in the Navy. He was pretty much gone 2-3 weeks out of every month. Not always straight days of being gone, but nevertheless gone most of the time. Somehow, I learned to just be by myself and take care of things. This was the only choice I had, there was nothing I could do about it so I dealt with it. I became quite independent during this time. I missed him but was OK on my own. I had my friends and work and other things to take up my time.

OK, so fast forward to now. We have been married for almost 20 years and I am not all that independent anymore and miss him like crazy every time he leaves the house. I guess I'm reverting or something. I have to wonder why this is. I know that it drives him insane that I have to call him or talk to him before making pretty much any decision. Although I think he appreciates that I don't just make them. I think part of my problem is that I can remember being the independent person who had the ability to do things myself but the happenings over the past few years have changed me. I don't always think for the better, but in some things I believe I am better. Probably the fact that I can no longer do most of the things I used to do, and am not able to work helps feed the dependency. Anyway, I just hope that someday soon things will work out so that I don't feel stuck between a rock and a hard place all of the time. My poor kids and husband have to be tired of the roller coaster that is me.

So, the reason for writing this in the first place was hoping that Dan will read it. I just want him to know that I really do appreciate his willingness to listen to me and try to help me work through things. We don't always agree, but he does try hard to help me. I am very aware that I have become pretty dependent on him, in more ways than I probably should be, but I do depend on him. He is my counselor, does A LOT around the house, helps me to try and teach our kids good things, works himself sick to keep us in our house, and cared for in many different ways. Dan works at home now except for one day a week. That day is today and I feel like a fish out of water. I miss him. Somehow knowing he is just downstairs makes a difference. After today, he will be working like 17 hour days for the rest of the week. He amazes me that he can do this. He takes his role as the provider for our family very serious. There has not been one day since he was 14 that he hasn't had a job. It gives me a lot of security knowing that he takes this so seriously. Especially now that I can't help. I just hope he knows that I miss him just being here. Not just for what he does, just simply because I love him and like to just have him here with me. I know I said this before and that it sounds kind of corny, but he does complete me. He fills in where I lack. I LOVE YOU DAN !!

I have a friend who is right now going through a hard time. Her significant other had to move far away from her. I have tried to help her through this time as she feels lost and misses him. I fear that I am not the best one to talk to because of my previously mentioned reasons, but I think she is doing great and she has no idea how much she has helped me to open my eyes and just remind me what I already knew. That is that I am very lucky to have Dan. She reminds me on a daily basis that there aren't many Dan's out there and that I should appreciate every minute I have with him. She has a good man too, just different circumstances. My hope is that she will find happiness, hopefully with him, but if not, with someone else who cares about her the way she should be. OK, now that I have probably made her cry, I will stop. She doesn't need to cry anymore, she'll dry up.

OK, well, this is where I will end my rantings. I hope that this interests some one. I don't want to bore people.

~Christy