Family, Friends, and Faith

I may rattle, sorry...

First off, just so everyone knows, I LOVE MY FAMILY! Yes, I have my moments when having 4 teenagers and their dramas and issues are too much, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I have to learn to stop calling them kids. Kyler will be 20 on his next birthday and Megan will be 18 in less than 2 months. They are basically young adults and that is something very hard for this parent to adjust to. However, I'm pretty proud of myself/us, they have all shown us things lately that show great responsibility and maturity which helps us, or at least me, to know we are doing something right. Our family has been through the ringer over the past several years and we still hold together. Just to clarify, NONE of our kids or ourselves are doing or have ever done drugs. None of them are promiscuous, and all that are able, hold jobs, and are there for anyone that needs them. Sometimes to a fault and for people who come back and stab them in the back. All of these are good things that are pushed aside by most because some of them, nor Dan or I attend church. This entire situation has been more than I can take with regard to church. We have been so shunned and out casted by so many in the church that it is heartbreaking at least to me. Dan and I especially have been so persecuted, even by members of our families, that it begs the question of how these 2 things can reside together. The church/gospel, and complete intolerance and judgment. We were told by a family member that we had knowingly made the decision to leave God and become Satan's helpers. This was all because we allow our family and friends who happen to be gay their own decisions and defended them. Assumption on the parts of many of who Dan is and what he does and thinks has come close to ruining us. I am tired of being seen as the woman who's husband doesn't care about me and who should either be pitied because I don't know any better, or reprimanded for allowing it. I know what's going on, I love my husband, and neither of those things are real, nor any one's business.   Oh yes, and there are those that believe and have let me know that they think I either faked the last 7 years to take time off, or that I am mentally unstable because I actually think I have a sickness or any health problems. All of this came about because I came to a point where I felt I needed to try and go back to work. I went back to work because I needed to for many reasons. Helping take care of my family, my sanity, etc. Just so it's not misunderstood, I DID NOT NOR AM I NOW FAKING IT! What I did was take myself out of a bad place and try to move forward. What's more honest? Staying home and collecting $$ and making my husband work himself sick, or pushing myself to work and at least try to help, knowing that any moment I could collapse?   Now before you get offended and feel you need to tell me not to say how I feel about the church, realize that I am not now, nor have I ever said you shouldn't do what you feel is best, just that I expect the same respect back that I feel how I do. For the most part, our close family(siblings, etc) have been pretty good to us, and we really appreciate that, but there are many others that have been so horrible that it makes it uncomfortable for those who still care about us. We haven't done anything to anyone, so it hurts to be us and know that simply our presence makes people feel uncomfortable. All we did was change OUR lives, no one elses.  There is so much more, but I will leave it at that for now.

Since going back to work I have made several new friends. I have also met an unbelievably high amount of people who have done exactly what Dan and I have done. It does help to know that we aren't the only ones who feel the way we do about the church and the overall attitudes in this area. It is very reassuring to have friends who care about me for who I am today and not what I used to be or have the "potential" to be if I do what is "right". I am by far one of the oldest people who works there, but it is nice to have friends that aren't "forced" to be my friend because I live in their ward.

For most of my life I have been a person who went like 90% on faith and the rest on logic. I was sure that no matter what happened, God would carry me/us through. This is after all, what I have been taught my entire life, that if I/we was doing my best that all would be OK. Well, the last several years has been a major eye opening for me. Living by/on faith has at some times put me/us in such a terrible position that we have suffered in very bad ways. My faith in God and his love and care has gone from almost the sole thing I counted on to basically non existent. Not from just living, but from trying so hard for so long and things either staying the same or getting worse. I have spent a good part of the last decade on my knees begging for help, or at least comfort and ability to get through things and I will be honest, there have been some things that were very much a clear answer to prayer, but that has been a very long time ago and I have pretty much been on my own and alone. Dan and I have done everything in our power to make things nice and good for our family, our friends, our community, and basically anyone. In return, after doing everything we could for the greater good and after much prayer and faith end up struggling and wondering how we are going to get to the next place. BTW, God is God in all religions and for all people, so the argument that we no longer have his love because we left the church isn't valid. In fact, is a complete contradiction to what the church teaches. Aren't all people children of God?  At least on my part, it has become very hard to believe in a "Loving God" when I have seen and felt so much suffering for trying to be a good person. Yes, I am that person who is going through life with no or very little faith, and it's not because I just decided I felt that way, it's because I have pushed and tried it and tested it. There comes a point when we just have to stop trying to make something work and walk away and find a different way.  I know this will be something that many will be very upset about, but Dan and I have thought long and hard about what to do next, and have come to the conclusion that we will most likely have our records removed from the church. This is a good thing, at least in my view, it means that I/we have been responsible in making a decision based on what I feel is best and that there leaves no question as to where I/we stand in the church. No one can think we are hiding things or going against what we have promised, because we will no longer be tied to it. Please remember that what has been taught and what is claimed to be what the church teaches is that everyone has the right to come back if they feel they should, that applies to everyone and means that the door is not closed. Another huge issue that has been warped to make people feel there is no chance or choice. I'm not saying we will be back, but that please keep in mind and realize that the option is there.

I posted on another page before that living here is killing my soul. I honestly believe this. I cannot find a place to feel like I can just be me. Or a place where my family can just be. I know that many don't understand why I feel or think this way and probably don't even realize they are doing or saying things that are hurtful and probably have the best of intentions, but there is a culture here that is different than any other place and is sometimes toxic. There is a difference between loving someone and wanting to help them be the best they can be, and then deciding what that is and making them become it.  When I speak of leaving here, understand it's not running away, there are problems everywhere, but that there is a very big and wonderful world outside of here and getting out of the bubble is a good thing sometimes. I feel suffocated here. I just want to be in a place where I can be me. Where my husband and our kids can be themselves. Reality is that there will always be things that happen and issues no matter where we are, but maybe just a change in scenery would be a good thing. 

OK, this is enough for today. I keep hoping that I will have something promising and hopeful to post about soon. Trust me, when it happens, I will...

~Christy

Germans, Moab, Work, Fathers Day, and Some Random Thoughts and Experiences

I have been trying to write a blog post for a while now and haven't been able to collect my thoughts and make sense out of them, so I decided that it was better to just post anyway and hope it makes sense. Sorry if it's scattered, but this is how my brain functions lately ;-)

We had the rare opportunity to get to know people from far far away over the past year as we were a host family to Anna Bahss for this past school year. Anna is from Germany. Her mother Sarah,  is an American, raised in Connecticut, but went to Germany years ago after she met and married Anna's father Christian on an exchange in Italy.  Over the past year or more we have emailed, and skyped and messaged them a lot. Sometimes for reasons of taking care of Anna, and sometimes just as friends supporting each other. All of this led up to June 2nd, when they arrived here in Utah to reunite with Anna as it was the end of her exchange. We were excited and nervous, as we know we are unique individuals and hoped they would like us. Especially since their daughter had been living in our home and as part of our family. We were pleasantly surprised and thoroughly enjoyed our time together. We went on the boat on Utah Lake, we went to Temple Square and the State Capitol. Then we took a trip that was 10 months in planning to Moab. The Bahss' graciously rented a beautiful condo for all of us to stay in and we went to Dead Horse Point and to the Arches.  It was a wonderful trip with great people. It was an experience for them to see the grandeur of that area and they commented on the mountains and other things of beauty around Utah that they would never forget. 

The picture 2 above hold special significance for me. Sarah, has MS and is phenomenally strong. She hiked to that arch and many other places and never once complained. She is a shining example to me to keep trying. We have very similar health issues and the fact that this image was captured of the 2 of us sitting in the shadow of that arch is at least on my part nothing short of a miracle. I used a cane to make it and my leg was not happy with me, but I accomplished it! These are Anna's mothers sitting there together. A picture that will not be forgotten, at least not by me. I have not stopped thinking about Anna and her family for 2 weeks now. They left a week ago and took Anna with them. They are where they should be, together, and with family. Our experiences having Anna here were many and many life changing. She surely doesn't know the impact she left for life on us and we are very badly missing her, but happy that she is with her family again and hope she has a wonderful, happy and fulfilling life. With any luck, she will keep us informed of things in her life and maybe we will even see her again someday. And her parents as well. We have grown close to them and consider them family as well. As I type, the emotion is taking over again. I had hoped it wouldn't be this hard, but I guess this is what saying goodbye to some one you love feels like. 

We had a going away party for Anna on the 2nd. It was also our monthly FHE with the extended family. The ENTIRE family (That's the whole enchilada) loves her and misses her and wishes her well and this party was so many of them could say goodbye. 

The last post on this blog was announcing that I had decided to go back to work. This decision was not something that was taken lightly. Seven years of sickness and other issues was not and is still not easy to overcome, but I am working on it day by day. The job, for the most part, is not greatly challenging. I have excelled much more than I thought I could in most places there. The past few weeks have been challenging as I am being trained on more things and having a hard time remembering things I need to. If I can't remember them, I can't use them to learn the new things I'm trying to learn. It is very frustrating and causes a lot of stress, because I know I can do this, but it's not coming easy at all. I am a perfectionist and like to do things correctly, so you can see how this is not easy for me. I really do like my job most days, and it really is a good job at a good place. I just need to get past this hurdle. Please keep sending good thoughts my way. 

This fathers day has been very emotional for me. As I think about the fathers in my life and all of the men I know. I am in awe as to how lucky I am to know these men. I have always held my dad in high esteem. Even when I didn't see eye to eye with him, I have always known that he loves me and would not leave me on my own. He has known when to step in and when to patiently watch from afar. This is one of the reasons I have had such an emotional reaction to this day this year. 

On the 4th of June, my nephew and his wife took out their endowments in the Salt Lake Temple. We had attended the adoption proceedings for Dan's brother Pete and his family for their new little son Ryan earlier in the day and were waiting outside the temple after their sealing. We stayed and met my nephew and family after their endowments. I watched my dad suffering in pain and having a hard time walking that night. I have never seen him like this before, and it hit me extremely hard at that moment that he isn't a superhero and it could quite possibly be coming close to the time I won't have him here around me. I cried all of the way home that night and have felt very emotional today with the thoughts that this Fathers Day could be one of if not the last one for him. This is a time I have dreaded and hoped would never come. I'm not sure I know how to deal with it. 

I think that what I have said in the previous paragraph may be the answer as to how I managed to find Dan. I knew what I wanted my kids to have in a father and somehow managed to find him. He is a wonderful father who loves his kids. He works himself sick and makes sure to attend and support everything they do, even when he may not agree with them. I may not always know the best ways to show it, but I could never have dreamed of spending my life and my kids getting such a phenomenal man as him. I love you Dan and I am glad that my kids have you as their father. 

There are so many great men in my life that I cannot possibly name or say things about them all. Just know that I love and appreciate all of you for the examples of love and endurance and dedication you show. 

One random thing. I have been attending church with Jake, because he asked me to and I promised my kids I would support them in their good decisions. My thoughts have not changed, and after some actions of today, maybe even more solidified. Some one walked up to me to today and asked me to fill in for their calling for the next 6 weeks. I said I could not do it and suggested someone else. They said, "Oh, I guess you weren't in choir last week, are you feeling OK?" I said I was feeling fine and haven't been there for close to a year. They said, "Huh, that's weird, I didn't even notice."  Now I know that I don't need to be noticed by everyone all of the time, but people keep trying to tell us that everyone misses us and that us being gone leaves a giant hole in the ward. So who do I believe? Honestly, it feels more like the person today was at least honestly saying they didn't notice, rather than lulling us into a false sense of love and security. This isn't the only thing, but that was what happened today.

I guess I should end this post as it is turning in to a novel. Hopefully I will have some more to post soon. Thank you all for your love and support for us. It is not lost and not unnoticed.  

~Christy

Changes

Well, things around here are about to change. For some time now I have been thinking and wondering what I could do to make things better for our family. Since I got sick almost 7 years ago, Dan has had to work 2, sometimes 3 jobs to make ends meet. We have done all sorts of things to keep things good. There are also many other personal reasons for the decision I finally came to and then pleaded with Dan to agree to. 

It has been quite difficult for me over the past several months to feel right being at home, and nothing else. Since our announcement to leave the church, even before, it has been extremely lonely for me. All of the kids are older now and don't need me here 24/7. Thus, there was an option that I came to. So here goes the big announcement:

I now have a job! I will be working in the Accounts Creation Department at Vivint. I will, at least for a short time be working with Dan until I can get a different shift. We have checked in to how to work through this with Social Security. I am very excited to be doing this. I have been very careful to make sure to only apply for things that don't require me to be physically active or lifting things. I am very aware that I could not do anything that would be harsh on my body. 

I would ask that you all be happy and support me/us in this decision. We feel it is going to be a very good thing for me and for our family.

~Christy

Another Post to Make Sure there is no Misunderstanding

This post is specifically being made to clear up any questions. If there is still anyone out there that doesn't understand why we left the church, hopefully this will clear up any confusion. This is an example of how we have been treated for several years now, and I'm sure it will not be the last time either. This was especially hurtful to us as it is family, but again, not the first and most likely not the last. 

A month or so ago I posted something on Facebook, (I looked for it and can't find it anymore...UGH!) but it said something like "everyone is so worried about gay people ruining peoples lives, but why aren't more people worried about teen pregnancy and drugs and domestic violence, etc. 

Honestly, aren't these things in reality more of a problem? Yes, there are gay people and no, they aren't forcing anything on us. Human beings can have differing lifestyles and opinions without making their way the only way. Since I can't find the post, I can't find the responses I got either. I really wanted to post them because they were horribly mean. I was told I was misinformed and pitied, oh yes, and uneducated. It was accompanied by several scriptural quotes and very forceful statements about how I was being pulled to the side of the devil. Things calmed down a bit. It helped that I simply stopped responding to this person and cut off as much contact as I could without completely defriending them. I honestly don't want to have any more issues with anyone else over this. This morning, it all came back with a vengeance. 

As many of you know, we have several gay family members and friends. They are some of the best people we know. We know youth that have contemplated taking their own lives because they fear living life as a gay person, and much much more I could go on for a very long time but I think you get the picture. This is especially close to Dan's heart. He is a person that by nature loves people. He is very open minded and takes the "Love Everyone" commandment very personally. I am too, but I am usually not quite as outspoken as he is. The hearings going on in the Supreme Court right now are very important. It would be nice if we could feel like people thought we had thought anything through. Any decisions that are made in our home or family are discussed and worked through for a long time before we make them. I am about to post what was said to us today. I will post Dan's status that brought this on, then the responses. If you still have any question as to why we have left the church then you are closing your eyes and ears and your hearts. What shouldn't be a personal hit towards us, has become very personal over the last years and apparently continues. Here goes. 

From Dan's Facebook post:

I am wondering how many people have un friended me today? I will continue to post my support for marriage equality throughout this week, as the supreme court hears arguments on DOMA and prop 8, so if it bothers you, please remove me from your news feed now. If you are wondering why this 41 year old married white guy feels so strongly about the rights of others to marry, please drop me a line. Thanks.

Nothing really harmful or rude there right? 

A response: (to be fair, there are several nice ones as well )

You have apparently forgotten the eternal nature and purpose of life and that it is much more than this earthly existence. I am saddened you have turned against your Father in Heaven and His eternal plan. If life was only on this earth and nothing else, it wouldn't matter who can marry and who cannot and this fight wouldn't have a purpose---But it isn't. It is about eternal families and standing with the Lord and his Prophets, not about our own self interest. Do what you want, but as for me I will stand with the Lord. We each must stand and face the Lord someday and report on how we lived our lives and where we stood on important things like supporting the Father's Plan. History has shown us what happens when people turn against God. Because of my love for my family, my heart hurts and I am saddened by your choices. I do not hate anyone, but my love for truth and the Lord causes me to stand for correct and true principles even as I strive to overcome my own sin and weakness and try my best to be what He desires me to be.

I am having a hard time understanding how our support for our loved ones to make their own choices has made me forget the the meaning of life and made some one so sad they feel they need to correct my thinking and then instill fear as I have apparently "turned against god". Some how my choices and my husbands choices and hurt them. 

My response:

  Don't you think that when we stand and face God, we are going to be judged on how we treated others?? By taking away others agency, it is an un-Godlike action. I believe that we will be judged by our intentions, not necessarily the actual act of doing, except for when we do something with the intention of hurting another or taking away anything that is truly theirs to enjoy. Please do not insinuate that Dan's choices have affected your life in any way, they haven't. We are still the same people we have always been. We simply don't have the pressure of people breathing down our necks every second of our lives. I'm sorry you feel this way, but pretty offended that you just blamed your feelings being hurt on my husband's actions

Dan's Response:

Ok, don't have a lot of time here, but here goes. I don't think that being gay is a choice. I can't believe in a loving Heavenly Father that would instill in people homosexuality and expect them to live their entire lives without love. Jesus never said anything about homosexuality, he just said to love everyone, and I think it's a bit hypocritical for a church founded on polygamy to declare that marriage is ordained of God to be between one man and one woman, which is in opposition to their own canonized scriptures. And I know that this concerns you, but I am so very happy in my choices. I have a new freedom, the ability to express my option without worrying what the bishop thinks. I can wear any color of shirt I want on Sunday, and I can grow my beard any length I desire. Sorry if you find this offensive, but I would rather that you not judge me and my family by your own standards. My family has the ability to choose what they want to do in life, not be forced and indoctrinated, which is truly free agency.

OK, so those are what prompted this:

Christy,

Read what I posted. I did not blame anyone on my feelings especially your husband. I just think some of your choices are sad because of my love for you. I didn't condemn you but only expressed love for you. You and Dan have totally misunderstood what I wrote.

Simply this---and I have said this to you guys in previous posts---I don't care what people do with their lives but they shouldn't try to push their believes on me. If the Homosexual establishment only wanted legal rights they can change that with a simple law allowing for civil unions or some sort. But the reality isn't that they want civil rights, the reality is they want to cheapen marriage and destroy the religious foundations of family and the existence of God given rules and commandments.

There is no desire to build and help gays find legal unions, their desires are to destroy the laws that have been around for thousands of years. And your support of that destruction places you on the side of lucifer whose desire is to destroy the work of God. Eternal marriage is key in the Lord's plan for the exaltation of the family and you have chosen to fight against The Lord and his prophets. That saddens me only because I know where your choices will lead and when ever someone you loves makes poor choices it hurts. You're a parent, you understand that. it doesn't effect my life, it doesn't cause me to question, it doesn't cause me to hate anyone. It saddens me only because I believe in eternal families and right now, your choices are leaving a hole in that eternal family.

I have no desire to judge anyone. I am not "judging you or your family by my standards," but the standards the Lord has set. You guys are way too uptight about this whole thing. Just because I disagree with you I am judging you? So are you going to force everyone who disagrees with you out of your life? Really? You and Dan need to look in the mirror and really think about how you are judging others, including me, and how you are treating others who disagree with you. Any sense of reality will cause you to rethink your actions.

I have just as much a right to stand up for my principles as you do. And yet you are judging, hating, and attacking me? Hypocrites!

I express concern and love to you and your family and you reject it and tell me I am evil because I express my love and concern for your family and stand up for what I believe? Hypocrites!

I am saddened yes, but not because it affects my life or happiness. I am saddened because you have fallen into Satan's trap and without changing your ways, it will affect your life now and in eternity.

So here is my question...Is saying this: Read what I posted. I did not blame anyone on my feelings especially your husband. I just think some of your choices are sad because of my love for you. I didn't condemn you but only expressed love for you. You and Dan have totally misunderstood what I wrote.

and then this: I have no desire to judge anyone. I am not "judging you or your family by my standards," but the standards the Lord has set. You guys are way too uptight about this whole thing. Just because I disagree with you I am judging you? So are you going to force everyone who disagrees with you out of your life? Really? You and Dan need to look in the mirror and really think about how you are judging others, including me, and how you are treating others who disagree with you. Any sense of reality will cause you to rethink your actions.

I have just as much a right to stand up for my principles as you do. And yet you are judging, hating, and attacking me? Hypocrites!

I express concern and love to you and your family and you reject it and tell me I am evil because I express my love and concern for your family and stand up for what I believe? Hypocrites!

I am saddened yes, but not because it affects my life or happiness. I am saddened because you have fallen into Satan's trap and without changing your ways, it will affect your life now and in eternity. 

not a contradiction?? This is what we have taken from several people and on more occasions than I can express. I love you, but you are an uptight hypocrite?? PLEASE!!!! 

Below is Dan's response to this person as I was not fit to be responding at that time. I have calmed down some, but if some one wants to talk about breaking a heart, a family member telling me that my family and I are evil and that we have ruined our entire family's lives is it. 

This is probably the last message that I will ever send you.  Christy cannot respond to your message because she is so angry.  We never said you were evil, you said we were.  I don’t appreciate you calling us names because we don’t believe the same way that you do.  I am going to attempt to respond calmly and rationally but am going to start out with letting you know that people like you are the reason that we left the church.  You are trying to force your definition of marriage on everyone, and civil unions are not equal.  I don’t know if you have any personal friendships or relationships with anyone who is gay, but they do not want to cheapen marriage, they only want recognition that the love they share is the same as the love shared by other couples.  Only the right to marriage is equal.  There is no vast conspiracy to destroy marriage, only a longing to be recognized as being equal to everyone else.  To be validated as a human being. The church’s constantly changing views on homosexuality hurt people.  They drive families apart, and cause pain in the lives of those youth who are gay, sometimes to the point of suicide.  Just because a law has been around thousands of years, does not make it right, slavery was the law for thousands of years, but that does not make it right.  You state that you do not judge us, but tell us that we stand with Satan.  That is a judgment.  We welcome your opinion, and love to debate, but will not allow people to call us hypocrites.  When I stand at the judgment bar, I will stand and swear that I loved people who were different than me, I stood with my fellow man and demanded that they be allowed the same rights that I have and loved those who were different than me.  That is what Jesus taught; love one another, without exception.  The reality of the gay rights debate is one of religion versus law.  A marriage is a legally binding obligation; therefore it falls under the jurisdiction of the state, not the church.  The freedom of religion is granted by The Constitution and if someone does not believe in your religion, they cannot be bound by it.  They deserve equal protection under the law. 

Don’t be saddened by our choices.  We thank you for your concern, but implore you to worry about your own life and those over which you have stewardship.  We will take care of ourselves and our family. We will not force our beliefs or lack thereof on you or lecture you that you have chosen the wrong path.  We will continue to love you, we just don’t want you to continue to lecture and preach to us.  Christy has unfriended you on Facebook, and has now probably blocked you, but I won’t.  Please feel free to express your opinions, but understand that I will continue to express mine.  And, as we are no longer practicing members of your church, using prophets as a reference will fail to persuade our opinions.  That is another discussion for another day.

Thank you.

Nothing hurtful in there. No reason to bite back at us. We have been called evil and hypocrites. I wish the old saying of you can only be offended if you allow yourself to be would disappear. People need to stop saying things they know are hurtful and then throw the responsibility to forgive at the person they are offending. GROW UP!! Let's hope it stops here, because that is where hurting the entire family happens. No one should have to choose sides or defend us in order to keep the family peace. For the most part, our family and friends have accepted our decision and still love us. They have learned that loving some one and respecting their opinions and decisions while not always agreeing is the grown-up CHRISTLIKE thing to do. 

We have been so closely watched and judged by others that until we decided to leave the church, we literally couldn't dress ourselves, choose what our kids watch on tv, or who they associate with. I actually had a person look through my front window and see what was on tv and feel it necessary to come to my door and scold me for corrupting my children. There are many more example I could give, but I think you all get the picture. 

Just to be fair and lighten up this post a little, I thought I would post a few of the supportive responses...

 I am with Dan and Christy!! I happen to know a lot of gay people. I am tired of people quoting the bible and just think about how your closed mind is hurting other people. Would you feel the same way if this was one of your family members. Sorry but I am tired of some people being so high on there soapbox that they do not see the whole picture!! Stop, look and listen! !

Way to go, Hansen family! You guys are inspirational.

 There are plenty of people who appreciate the bravery, and willingness to stand up and share your beliefs for equality. Plus, if you don't stand up for people's rights, who will? The government is deciding your rights as we speak. Apparently, even a "loving" God is deciding, through a modern prophet, your rights as a human being. Even though he proclaims free agency, and the notion to love everybody unconditionally. More importantly than this, there are far to many people counting on people like your family to stand up not only for yourselves, but for them as well. They are to scared of what the world will do to them if they try and stand up. So they wait in silence for heroes like your family! Hopefully these words help ease a little bit of your burden today. If not, know you are appreciated.

And I couldn't pass up this post. Come on, really??

 So what is next, pedophiles given the right to marry children or bestiality Can't wait until you guys decide that alright too.

Dan and I are painfully aware that our choices are not in agreement with many of your choices, but if we choose to have a cup of coffee, or a pina colada, or to support a persons right to marry who they love, it doesn't mean we are any different people. We still love and support all of you in your choices, we still try very hard to instill good values in our children. I would just about bet my life on the fact if some one needed help, anyone, my kids would be there and the "perfect" church going kids around the corner would make an excuse as to why they couldn't. We are no different than when we were fully in the church. The only thing that has changed is that we finally stood up for ourselves and our lives and chose a must less judgmental path to go through it.  It shouldn't make a difference, but our daughters are still attending seminary and loving it. I attribute this to wonderful seminary teachers, because if they only had church leaders to count on for support, they would not have enough to mention. People actually can be friends with us and our children even though we are different. I will post one more thing, then close this post. It is very much the truth:

I hope this doesn't cause problems with anyone and that things can go back to what they should be. We just decided that maybe if you saw an example of what we have been dealing with it would be easier to understand why we feel the way we do. Our family and extended family are a  close loving family. These posts are from a family member outside of my parents posterity,  and I hope that this post doesn't cause anyone to worry about anything within ours. Our kids (all of them, even the temporary ones) are still in a loving home with loving parents. They are in agreement with us and we are sticking together as a family through all of this. 

~Christy

Where Are We?

Where are we?  Somewhere between Orem, Utah and Las Vegas, Nevada.  We have been attempting to leave the state of Utah for Christy’s health and because we just want warmer weather.  Christy has been scouring the internet for jobs in my field in other states and found some leads.  I applied for a job in Clark County, Nevada’s Attorney General’s office as a manager in the enforcement division last September.   It’s a slight step up from where I am now, but working a union job in a swing state, with a union contract with an automatic pay increase each year.  I was told in early November that I did not get an interview, and we thought the matter was dead.  In December, I received an e-mail saying that the job has been re-posted and that my application will be submitted.  Early in January I received an invitation to interview e-mail on a Friday afternoon, and I had to wait until Monday to call.  When I called on Monday, they wanted me to come in and do an assessment on Friday and then interview on Monday.   The idea of a weekend in Vegas sounded wonderful, but taking our only family car down and having no money the whole weekend did not.  They were able to move things around and get my interview on Friday Morning and the assessment on Friday afternoon.  I drove down the night before, stayed in a hotel in Mesquite, and then headed to Vegas in the morning.  I left way early, and stopped to take some pictures in the desert.  I drove by the air force base and watched an F-14 fly around the valley.  I went to the temple and took a few shots.  I drove by the building where the interview was to take place so that I knew where it was.  I still had about two hours before the interview.   I looked up the nearest Starbucks on my phone and it was located in a Target,  I ducked in for a warm beverage and used their wi-fi to play word with friends and check my e-mail.  Still had an hour so I toured the Target in a suit and got a bunch of strange looks.  I arrived about 15 minutes early for the interview and went through the metal detectors shoeless and beltless before the security guard told me that I just needed to give them my name and I could have walked through without getting naked.  I had to complete a background check release and wait for the interview to start.  The interview was with four people, including the assistant D.A that runs the office.  I think it went well.  I answered their questions, created dialogue, and even made them laugh a few times.  With that part of the day over, I decided to grab some lunch and tried to stop several places, but ended up at hooters.  I had a good chicken salad and then headed back for the assessment.  It was a brutal multi-page test consisting of math, management and union contract questions.  I think I did fairly well on it, but I have received no feedback yet. Immediately after the assessment I jumped in the Tahoe and flew home.  Christy followed my drive home on her phone using the gps on my phone.                
As I await the results and (hopefully) pending job offer, I contemplate what a family life in Vegas would be like.  We are waiting to make the big decisions until there is an offer. We are not yet sure if we would sell or rent the house.  Not sure if we would all move down immediately or I f I would go alone for a month or two while the loose ends and tied up here.  These are the things that can wait.  For now we just sit, wait and dream of warmer weather.

Christmas Letter

2012 has been a year like no other before.We have had many new experiences. Some exciting and wonderful and some not so happy ones. Overall it has been a pretty good year. 

As a family we have made a lot of changes this year. We decided as a family this fall that we could no longer participate in our religion. It was a very personal and emotional long fought decision, but it has really been a good thing for our family. Sometimes you have to make the hard decisions to get to something better. We also had a dog named Sam. He was an English pointer/Dalmatian mix. He was a great dog and we loved him a lot but was simply too big for us and we had to let him go to a different family. 

Probably the biggest thing that we, as a family did this year was choose to be a host family for a foreign exchange program. We were volunteered and suggested as a good family for this and chose to give it a try. Our first experience for just a few weeks in the summer was a young girl from France. This was not a great experience and just about caused us to not continue, but we did and we are so glad because we got Anna. Anna is from Germany and is part of our family until June of 2013. She arrived in August and is here for school. She has been a ray of sunshine for our family.

This year it has really become apparent that our family is growing up and that we may not have many more opportunities to do things altogether. This is a big deal for us, so things have been planned more lately than ever before. We didn't all get to go to everything, but we do our best. 

In July, Dan took Kyler, Aubree, and Jake to Arches. Megan had to work and I can't do the hiking, so we stayed home and had some girl time while they went. They had a good time and there are great pics on this blog on a previous post. I encourage you to take a look. 

Dan was asked what he wanted for his birthday this year and his answer was that he wanted his feet in the Pacific Ocean. This became another opportunity for a family vacation. Also, it was an opportunity to let Anna see more of America. She wanted to see Hollywood and the beach. We somehow made a way for us to go. Over 5 days in October, directly over Dan's birthday, we spent time in Mesquite, played on the beach (Malibu and Santa Monica), saw Hollywood and the observatory,  and spent a day in Las Vegas. It was a great trip and we are so glad we went. You can also see highlights from that trip on a previous post on this blog. 

Dan- continues to work for the State of Utah. He works hard to make sure parents take care of their children. Dan also works a second job for Vivnt, where he works in Account Creation. This is a department where they make sure everything is installed as it is supposed to be as per agreements and to the clients liking. For a second job it is a very good place for him. He continues to learn and improve on his photography skills. The picture above is at the state capitol and was taken in November of this year. He certainly has an artists eye and is very good at what he does. 

On June 11th of this year, Dan had gastric bypass surgery. He has struggled for a very long time to lose weight. Our insurance coverage changed a little over the past couple of years and gave him the opportunity to be part of a pilot program. This meant the insurance covered this surgery. He had to meet certain milestones and things to get there and there was a time that we had all but given up, but it finally happened and currently, 6 months after surgery he has lost around 90 pounds. He looks great and is feeling so much better. It is very nice being able to wrap our arms around him. 

Christy- continues to struggle with health issues. It is thought that she has MS but as of yet there is no diagnosis. They say it sometimes take many years to do this. She has her good and bad days but this is not keeping her down. Through no choice of her own she became a stay at home mom 6 years ago and is learning every day new ways to be a wife and mother to 5 kids. All teenagers (except Jake who is almost 12 and may as well be a teenager) She spends much of her time running kids places and trying to keep the house organized. She will be turning 40 next week and can't believe it. 

Kyler 18 - is learning how to be an adult. We elected to withdraw him from school in March of this year. He simply had too much to do to make it to graduation so he took a GED instead and worked. He passed his GED with a 3.2 GPA and is now enrolled and registered at UVU for the Spring semester and will be starting in January. He is going into Diesel Mechanics Technology. He loves to fix cars in any form and this should be a good area for him to make a living after school. He continues to be a good young man who loves to help people. We are very proud of his accomplishments and the goals he has set for his future. 

Megan 17- is a junior at Timpanogos high school. She recently got her drivers license and has been enjoying taking her sisters and brothers Christmas shopping and running errands. She is again part of the yearbook staff and working to meet deadlines. Megan is a wonderful young woman is striving for greatness. She is a big help to her mother and we are proud of her. 

Anna 16 - is our "German Daughter". Anna has joined our family this year. She also attends Timpanogos high school and works with Megan and others on the yearbook staff. Anna is very interested in photography (makes Dan very happy) and loves to take pictures behind and in front of the camera. Anna is the only child in her family and  is enjoying (we hope) having so many siblings. We have had the privilege of getting to know her parents and grandparents a little throughout this experience.   We are so happy to have her as part of our family for a time and will hopefully be able to continue on with her for years to come after she returns home to Germany. We get to meet her parents in June. We are all very excited. 

Aubree 15(on the 15th)- is a freshman at Orem Jr. High. She is part of the Bella Voce choir at school. (Thus the blue dress in the picture above). She has a beautiful signing voice and is enjoying singing in the choir. She is working toward getting her driving permit soon. Aubree is a very tenderhearted young woman. She loves her friends and family fiercely and is trying to find her way. She succeeds at pretty much whatever she puts her mind to and we are very proud of her. 

Jake 11- is in the 6th grade at Aspen Elementary. He eats, drinks, and sleeps football. He again played for the UVFL on the Timpanogos team. He plays the center position and is learning more and more every season. He is a leader on his team and in life. He is also very tenderhearted and would help anyone. Not sure what it is, but he has some sort of special mission in life. He seems to be a peace maker. We are proud of the young man he is becoming. 

We have 2 cats named Tazzy and Speedy. They are joys in our lives. They are always giving love and snuggles and definitely entertainment. Speedy lives up to her name and keeps us laughing a lot. 

We hope that this Christmas find all of you, our family and friends, happy and well. We want you to know how much you all mean to us. We send wishes of a Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2013. 

We are happy to have had the experiences we have over this past year. Even the not so great ones. It has helped us grow as a family. We look forward to 2013 and what it might bring. 

~The Hansens

Woman, I can hardly express...

I read a friend's post on Facebook this morning that made me think about the many women in my life.  I have very few male friends, but many women friends.  I am not sure why that is, but I am very thankful for the women that are part of my earthly experience.   

The first person that I am thankful for is my long suffering spouse and companion.  She turns forty next week and we have been married for twenty-three years.  She has been with me through good times and bad.  She knows and understands me and still sticks with me even though I am usually a pain to be around.  She allows me my relationships with the many other women in my story with trust and understanding.  She struggles through her constant pain to raise her family and is an example of perseverance and strength. 

My daughters amaze me.  They are still becoming women are going through the struggles of learning who they are and their place in the universe, but they are loving and non-judgmental, almost to a fault, and provide me with constant joy.   They are remarkable as they go through the trials of youth and handle themselves so well and are examples to me of their unconditional love.

Our German daughter has been with us for about four months now and I am surprised everyday when I arrive home and she is still there and has not run away kicking and screaming.  She has been a wonderful addition to our family and gives us new perspective on the world and on our family.  She is a teenager and has the issues that every teenager has, and we she has brought happiness into our lives and I will be heavyhearted when she returns to her home. 

My mother has been through a lot in her journey.  She has constantly struggled financially and has had to support her family by working even through the great pain and suffering her failing body dispensed.  She has always been faithful and giving.   

My mother-in-law does not understand me, but loves me anyway.  Not sure why she does, but I accept it for what it is.   

My “work wife” has been through a lot in her life and we talk (or text or IM) just about everyday.  She just listens to my ramblings and I listen to her and we make a good friendship. 

Christy’s sisters have been a major influence since I started dating her.  They are so different, and yet they compliment each other in ways that even they do not understand.  They are both very giving and are both fiercely loyal to their families.  I feel totally comfortable with them.  Christy’s sister-in-law has been my sarcastic sounding board for years.  She is great to have a conversation with and I find myself laughing every time we get together.  Christy’s younger brother is married to a remarkable woman that fits into the family well and works hard pursuing her career and raising a family.

My brother’s wife and I do not see eye-to-eye on many things, mostly political and social issues, but we do know how important family is and we put our differences aside and enjoy each others company when we get together.  She struggles with acceptance from her own family, and we try to make sure that she knows she is accepted and loved by our family despite the fact that she is a conservative.   My sister has probably been the greatest influence on me from my family.  I learned from her that regardless of how or where you were brought up, you can still make the sometimes difficult choice to be yourself.  Others will judge and cut you from their lives, but the ones who really love you will stick with you and love you for who you are.   My sister’s wife is definitely outside my comfort zone.   She is the only lesbian Jew I know (with the exception my sister) and is very blunt and opinionated.  I am so glad I get to stretch my comfort zone and have them in my family.

I have been doing photography as a hobby for a couple of years now and I love to shoot people.  I have several photography groups that I belong to and they meet together often, and I go whenever I can get time available.  I have been able to meet some really remarkable people through these groups and have been able to form some fabulous friendships.  I had a model once tell me that she never felt pretty, but during our photo session, she felt like the most beautiful woman in the world.  What a great compliment.  I have enjoyed shooting many different women of all different looks, ages and backgrounds.  I wish that I had more time and money to hone my skills as a photographer, but for now, I just like to get out and shoot for love.

There are so many more influential women that I just do not have time to mention here.  Both my bosses are women, and most of my co-workers.  I have aunts and cousins, nieces and other friends that have been in my life as far back as I can remember.   I feel greatly blessed to have all of these wonderful women to influence me and to keep me grounded, to show me that love really can rule the world, even if it’s just your own little world.

Annual Thanksgiving Gratitude Post

I always feel a little weird for posting this sort of post only on or around Thanksgiving every year, but also feel like it's important that everyone knows (and I remember) that I really am very thankful for my life and those in it. So with that said, here goes...

First off, I cannot adequately verbalize how grateful I am to Dan. How thankful I am for finding him, especially when I did. I have had the joy of being with the love of my life since I was 15. He is amazing and I can't express enough how grateful I am for him. He works so hard for us and our kids. There is no way I could ever thank him enough, or thank God enough for sending him to me and giving me the joy of living my life with him. 

I am grateful to have a home. It isn't spectacular or pristine,  but it is enough for us and a safe comfortable place we can be a family. 

I am grateful for my kids, permanent and temporary. It isn't always easy and we are at this point living in teenage world, but I love them and I am very grateful for the opportunity to be a mother. 

I am grateful for the opportunity to have Anna in our family for some time. It is a special experience to have the privilege of being a temporary mother to her, to get to know her and learn of her personality and get to know her family a little and their traditions. I'm also grateful that I can tease and joke with her grandmother and get to know her a little better as well. I am excited to meet her parents in the summer when they come to get Anna. 

I am grateful for my cats, Tazzy and Speedy. They are wonderful pets who love and care for me and for all of us. I really miss Sam, but I am convinced he is with a great family and in a place where he can run and play. I still miss Buddy sometimes, but I am grateful for the opportunity I had to enjoy the time I had with them and for the snuggles and entertainment that the cats still give. 

I am grateful that there is good education nearby that makes it so Kyler has the opportunity to go to college and hopefully get a good job doing something he enjoys and that will sustain him throughout his life.  

I am very grateful for family, extended and more. Family doesn't always mean blood and I have a large one of all kinds. This is a sustaining factor of my life. 

I would love to say I am grateful for my health, but that wouldn't be the truth, so what I will say is that I am grateful that I am still alive and able to do many things. There are many days that I can't do the things I would like or need to do, and sometimes I don't deal with things the way that would probably be best, but I have a husband who loves me through it and family and friends for support. This is literally a life sustaining factor. 

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope that everyone has a wonderful day, filled with family and gratitude and that the next year is filled with wonderful things. 

~Christy

California Dreaming Part 2

Day 3 we decided to do the tourist thing.   We ate breakfast at McDonalds and headed off to Hollywood.  We started on the Hollywood walk of fame and went to Mann’s Chinese Theatre where we checked out the hand and footprints of the stars.   We hit the souvenir shops and picked up a few item before going back to the Griffith Park Observatory.  We got some great shots of the family with the Hollywood sign in the background.  We started south again, and stopped at the Red Robin (yum) for lunch where the Highway Patrol was doing a fundraiser for Special Olympics. We went back to the hotel, changed into swimwear and drove down Malibu Canyon and along the Pacific Coast Highway to the Santa Monica Pier.  We rode the Ferris wheel, had cotton candy and got our pictures taken in the photo booth.  The kids won various stuffed animals that through their various puppeteers and the annoying voices they created,  almost got left among the debris on the side of the freeway.   We stayed and played in the ocean until sunset, fulfilling my birthday wish.  We finished the day by driving through McDonalds on the way back to the hotel.   We sat in the hot tub and played in the pool while doing some laundry before retiring to our rooms on Saturday night.  Sunday morning we loaded up the Tahoe for the journey to Las Vegas.  We checked into the Excalibur, went to the pool, and walked around the various hotels for a while.  Jake and Kyler rode the roller coaster at the New York, New York and we had dinner at a fake deli there.   We did not manage to win at Keno at the Excalibur, but we tried really hard.  We woke on Sunday morning, went to the M&M store and the Welcome to Las Vegas sign and started home.  On the way home we passed a wreck that we later found out was a Corvette that the driver drove off a cliff and they found meth in the car.   We arrived home after dark on Monday night and got the car unloaded fairly quickly.

This was a great birthday for me.  Kyler bought me a new tv before we left, and everyone chipped in to make the trip possible.  There were little spats here and there, but everyone got along and we had a great memorable family road trip.   Sure am glad to be home.