This post is specifically being made to clear up any questions. If there is still anyone out there that doesn't understand why we left the church, hopefully this will clear up any confusion. This is an example of how we have been treated for several years now, and I'm sure it will not be the last time either. This was especially hurtful to us as it is family, but again, not the first and most likely not the last.
A month or so ago I posted something on Facebook, (I looked for it and can't find it anymore...UGH!) but it said something like "everyone is so worried about gay people ruining peoples lives, but why aren't more people worried about teen pregnancy and drugs and domestic violence, etc.
Honestly, aren't these things in reality more of a problem? Yes, there are gay people and no, they aren't forcing anything on us. Human beings can have differing lifestyles and opinions without making their way the only way. Since I can't find the post, I can't find the responses I got either. I really wanted to post them because they were horribly mean. I was told I was misinformed and pitied, oh yes, and uneducated. It was accompanied by several scriptural quotes and very forceful statements about how I was being pulled to the side of the devil. Things calmed down a bit. It helped that I simply stopped responding to this person and cut off as much contact as I could without completely defriending them. I honestly don't want to have any more issues with anyone else over this. This morning, it all came back with a vengeance.
As many of you know, we have several gay family members and friends. They are some of the best people we know. We know youth that have contemplated taking their own lives because they fear living life as a gay person, and much much more I could go on for a very long time but I think you get the picture. This is especially close to Dan's heart. He is a person that by nature loves people. He is very open minded and takes the "Love Everyone" commandment very personally. I am too, but I am usually not quite as outspoken as he is. The hearings going on in the Supreme Court right now are very important. It would be nice if we could feel like people thought we had thought anything through. Any decisions that are made in our home or family are discussed and worked through for a long time before we make them. I am about to post what was said to us today. I will post Dan's status that brought this on, then the responses. If you still have any question as to why we have left the church then you are closing your eyes and ears and your hearts. What shouldn't be a personal hit towards us, has become very personal over the last years and apparently continues. Here goes.
From Dan's Facebook post:
I am wondering how many people have un friended me today? I will continue to post my support for marriage equality throughout this week, as the supreme court hears arguments on DOMA and prop 8, so if it bothers you, please remove me from your news feed now. If you are wondering why this 41 year old married white guy feels so strongly about the rights of others to marry, please drop me a line. Thanks.
Nothing really harmful or rude there right?
A response: (to be fair, there are several nice ones as well )
You have apparently forgotten the eternal nature and purpose of life and that it is much more than this earthly existence. I am saddened you have turned against your Father in Heaven and His eternal plan. If life was only on this earth and nothing else, it wouldn't matter who can marry and who cannot and this fight wouldn't have a purpose---But it isn't. It is about eternal families and standing with the Lord and his Prophets, not about our own self interest. Do what you want, but as for me I will stand with the Lord. We each must stand and face the Lord someday and report on how we lived our lives and where we stood on important things like supporting the Father's Plan. History has shown us what happens when people turn against God. Because of my love for my family, my heart hurts and I am saddened by your choices. I do not hate anyone, but my love for truth and the Lord causes me to stand for correct and true principles even as I strive to overcome my own sin and weakness and try my best to be what He desires me to be.
I am having a hard time understanding how our support for our loved ones to make their own choices has made me forget the the meaning of life and made some one so sad they feel they need to correct my thinking and then instill fear as I have apparently "turned against god". Some how my choices and my husbands choices and hurt them.
My response:
Don't you think that when we stand and face God, we are going to be judged on how we treated others?? By taking away others agency, it is an un-Godlike action. I believe that we will be judged by our intentions, not necessarily the actual act of doing, except for when we do something with the intention of hurting another or taking away anything that is truly theirs to enjoy. Please do not insinuate that Dan's choices have affected your life in any way, they haven't. We are still the same people we have always been. We simply don't have the pressure of people breathing down our necks every second of our lives. I'm sorry you feel this way, but pretty offended that you just blamed your feelings being hurt on my husband's actions
Dan's Response:
Ok, don't have a lot of time here, but here goes. I don't think that being gay is a choice. I can't believe in a loving Heavenly Father that would instill in people homosexuality and expect them to live their entire lives without love. Jesus never said anything about homosexuality, he just said to love everyone, and I think it's a bit hypocritical for a church founded on polygamy to declare that marriage is ordained of God to be between one man and one woman, which is in opposition to their own canonized scriptures. And I know that this concerns you, but I am so very happy in my choices. I have a new freedom, the ability to express my option without worrying what the bishop thinks. I can wear any color of shirt I want on Sunday, and I can grow my beard any length I desire. Sorry if you find this offensive, but I would rather that you not judge me and my family by your own standards. My family has the ability to choose what they want to do in life, not be forced and indoctrinated, which is truly free agency.
OK, so those are what prompted this:
Christy,
Read what I posted. I did not blame anyone on my feelings especially your husband. I just think some of your choices are sad because of my love for you. I didn't condemn you but only expressed love for you. You and Dan have totally misunderstood what I wrote.
Simply this---and I have said this to you guys in previous posts---I don't care what people do with their lives but they shouldn't try to push their believes on me. If the Homosexual establishment only wanted legal rights they can change that with a simple law allowing for civil unions or some sort. But the reality isn't that they want civil rights, the reality is they want to cheapen marriage and destroy the religious foundations of family and the existence of God given rules and commandments.
There is no desire to build and help gays find legal unions, their desires are to destroy the laws that have been around for thousands of years. And your support of that destruction places you on the side of lucifer whose desire is to destroy the work of God. Eternal marriage is key in the Lord's plan for the exaltation of the family and you have chosen to fight against The Lord and his prophets. That saddens me only because I know where your choices will lead and when ever someone you loves makes poor choices it hurts. You're a parent, you understand that. it doesn't effect my life, it doesn't cause me to question, it doesn't cause me to hate anyone. It saddens me only because I believe in eternal families and right now, your choices are leaving a hole in that eternal family.
I have no desire to judge anyone. I am not "judging you or your family by my standards," but the standards the Lord has set. You guys are way too uptight about this whole thing. Just because I disagree with you I am judging you? So are you going to force everyone who disagrees with you out of your life? Really? You and Dan need to look in the mirror and really think about how you are judging others, including me, and how you are treating others who disagree with you. Any sense of reality will cause you to rethink your actions.
I have just as much a right to stand up for my principles as you do. And yet you are judging, hating, and attacking me? Hypocrites!
I express concern and love to you and your family and you reject it and tell me I am evil because I express my love and concern for your family and stand up for what I believe? Hypocrites!
I am saddened yes, but not because it affects my life or happiness. I am saddened because you have fallen into Satan's trap and without changing your ways, it will affect your life now and in eternity.
So here is my question...Is saying this: Read what I posted. I did not blame anyone on my feelings especially your husband. I just think some of your choices are sad because of my love for you. I didn't condemn you but only expressed love for you. You and Dan have totally misunderstood what I wrote.
and then this: I have no desire to judge anyone. I am not "judging you or your family by my standards," but the standards the Lord has set. You guys are way too uptight about this whole thing. Just because I disagree with you I am judging you? So are you going to force everyone who disagrees with you out of your life? Really? You and Dan need to look in the mirror and really think about how you are judging others, including me, and how you are treating others who disagree with you. Any sense of reality will cause you to rethink your actions.
I have just as much a right to stand up for my principles as you do. And yet you are judging, hating, and attacking me? Hypocrites!
I express concern and love to you and your family and you reject it and tell me I am evil because I express my love and concern for your family and stand up for what I believe? Hypocrites!
I am saddened yes, but not because it affects my life or happiness. I am saddened because you have fallen into Satan's trap and without changing your ways, it will affect your life now and in eternity.
not a contradiction?? This is what we have taken from several people and on more occasions than I can express. I love you, but you are an uptight hypocrite?? PLEASE!!!!
Below is Dan's response to this person as I was not fit to be responding at that time. I have calmed down some, but if some one wants to talk about breaking a heart, a family member telling me that my family and I are evil and that we have ruined our entire family's lives is it.
This is probably the last message that I will ever send you. Christy cannot respond to your message because she is so angry. We never said you were evil, you said we were. I don’t appreciate you calling us names because we don’t believe the same way that you do. I am going to attempt to respond calmly and rationally but am going to start out with letting you know that people like you are the reason that we left the church. You are trying to force your definition of marriage on everyone, and civil unions are not equal. I don’t know if you have any personal friendships or relationships with anyone who is gay, but they do not want to cheapen marriage, they only want recognition that the love they share is the same as the love shared by other couples. Only the right to marriage is equal. There is no vast conspiracy to destroy marriage, only a longing to be recognized as being equal to everyone else. To be validated as a human being. The church’s constantly changing views on homosexuality hurt people. They drive families apart, and cause pain in the lives of those youth who are gay, sometimes to the point of suicide. Just because a law has been around thousands of years, does not make it right, slavery was the law for thousands of years, but that does not make it right. You state that you do not judge us, but tell us that we stand with Satan. That is a judgment. We welcome your opinion, and love to debate, but will not allow people to call us hypocrites. When I stand at the judgment bar, I will stand and swear that I loved people who were different than me, I stood with my fellow man and demanded that they be allowed the same rights that I have and loved those who were different than me. That is what Jesus taught; love one another, without exception. The reality of the gay rights debate is one of religion versus law. A marriage is a legally binding obligation; therefore it falls under the jurisdiction of the state, not the church. The freedom of religion is granted by The Constitution and if someone does not believe in your religion, they cannot be bound by it. They deserve equal protection under the law.
Don’t be saddened by our choices. We thank you for your concern, but implore you to worry about your own life and those over which you have stewardship. We will take care of ourselves and our family. We will not force our beliefs or lack thereof on you or lecture you that you have chosen the wrong path. We will continue to love you, we just don’t want you to continue to lecture and preach to us. Christy has unfriended you on Facebook, and has now probably blocked you, but I won’t. Please feel free to express your opinions, but understand that I will continue to express mine. And, as we are no longer practicing members of your church, using prophets as a reference will fail to persuade our opinions. That is another discussion for another day.
Thank you.
Nothing hurtful in there. No reason to bite back at us. We have been called evil and hypocrites. I wish the old saying of you can only be offended if you allow yourself to be would disappear. People need to stop saying things they know are hurtful and then throw the responsibility to forgive at the person they are offending. GROW UP!! Let's hope it stops here, because that is where hurting the entire family happens. No one should have to choose sides or defend us in order to keep the family peace. For the most part, our family and friends have accepted our decision and still love us. They have learned that loving some one and respecting their opinions and decisions while not always agreeing is the grown-up CHRISTLIKE thing to do.
We have been so closely watched and judged by others that until we decided to leave the church, we literally couldn't dress ourselves, choose what our kids watch on tv, or who they associate with. I actually had a person look through my front window and see what was on tv and feel it necessary to come to my door and scold me for corrupting my children. There are many more example I could give, but I think you all get the picture.
Just to be fair and lighten up this post a little, I thought I would post a few of the supportive responses...
I am with Dan and Christy!! I happen to know a lot of gay people. I am tired of people quoting the bible and just think about how your closed mind is hurting other people. Would you feel the same way if this was one of your family members. Sorry but I am tired of some people being so high on there soapbox that they do not see the whole picture!! Stop, look and listen! !
Way to go, Hansen family! You guys are inspirational.
There are plenty of people who appreciate the bravery, and willingness to stand up and share your beliefs for equality. Plus, if you don't stand up for people's rights, who will? The government is deciding your rights as we speak. Apparently, even a "loving" God is deciding, through a modern prophet, your rights as a human being. Even though he proclaims free agency, and the notion to love everybody unconditionally. More importantly than this, there are far to many people counting on people like your family to stand up not only for yourselves, but for them as well. They are to scared of what the world will do to them if they try and stand up. So they wait in silence for heroes like your family! Hopefully these words help ease a little bit of your burden today. If not, know you are appreciated.
And I couldn't pass up this post. Come on, really??
So what is next, pedophiles given the right to marry children or bestiality Can't wait until you guys decide that alright too.
Dan and I are painfully aware that our choices are not in agreement with many of your choices, but if we choose to have a cup of coffee, or a pina colada, or to support a persons right to marry who they love, it doesn't mean we are any different people. We still love and support all of you in your choices, we still try very hard to instill good values in our children. I would just about bet my life on the fact if some one needed help, anyone, my kids would be there and the "perfect" church going kids around the corner would make an excuse as to why they couldn't. We are no different than when we were fully in the church. The only thing that has changed is that we finally stood up for ourselves and our lives and chose a must less judgmental path to go through it. It shouldn't make a difference, but our daughters are still attending seminary and loving it. I attribute this to wonderful seminary teachers, because if they only had church leaders to count on for support, they would not have enough to mention. People actually can be friends with us and our children even though we are different. I will post one more thing, then close this post. It is very much the truth:
I hope this doesn't cause problems with anyone and that things can go back to what they should be. We just decided that maybe if you saw an example of what we have been dealing with it would be easier to understand why we feel the way we do. Our family and extended family are a close loving family. These posts are from a family member outside of my parents posterity, and I hope that this post doesn't cause anyone to worry about anything within ours. Our kids (all of them, even the temporary ones) are still in a loving home with loving parents. They are in agreement with us and we are sticking together as a family through all of this.
~Christy
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