Well, I had honestly hoped that we would be settling in to our new place in Las Vegas by now. I had a lot of hope for this. I have been contacted several times by several places there for employment. It is so hard turning down interviews. I'm pretty sure that I would have a job in less than a day if I went there and tried. It's not smart though, or realistic to even interview until Dan has a job there. There is no way we could live on my income and it would not be smart to leave what he has here to go to nothing. I will say though, just as I told Dan yesterday. I am at a point where the thoughts keep running through my mind that we should just go and hope for the best. I know what sounds terrible and we won't do it, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. It isn't just me thinking things and wanting to go, my soul needs a new outlook and new scenery. I'm withering away here these days.
In 6 days Aubree and Jake will start school. Aubree is a Sophomore at Timpanogos High School and Jake is starting 7th grade at Orem Jr. High. I am having a very hard time accepting that Jake is this old. He is my baby. He has also started into football again. He LOVES football and this year Dan is helping coach Jakes team. He is coaching the lineman, which Jake is. Should be fun for both of them. Megan will start her senior year at Timpanogos in 7 days. She is at this point working 2 jobs. She has one at Seven Peaks and it is a summer job, so she prepared for the end and got another job. She is tired and worn out, but she is keeping her word to the first job and learning the other one for this week. Then she will be working at Wendy's on Center and Geneva Rd in Provo. They must have liked her, they pretty much hired her on the spot. Kyler is working at Winco and Wiseguyz (We can't get him to leave there for some reason). He is talking about moving out and into a place with some friends. We aren't really sure about all of this, but he does need to get out on his own so we are trying to support him. He's also in the process of trying to buy a car. The realities are setting in. Payment, insurance, rent, utilities, etc. Hard things to learn. Hopefully he will find his way and be settled and happy. He is not going to school this semester. A bunch of things got away from us and he isn't ready for this one. He will go again in January hopefully.
Dan recently quit his second job at Vivint. I am working full time and he was running on empty all of the time from working 16 hour days. It is nice to have him around more. I know I am a whiner because I never want him to leave, but this has given him a chance to do things like coaching football and actually being able to attend things with and for the kids. He does have more opportunity to work on his hobby (photography) so that makes him happy. Hopefully I can make up the difference of him not working. He recently got a tattoo. His first. It is supposed to say "Not all who wander are lost!" but somehow the wander got turned in to wonder. It works both ways, but he will have it fixed soon. If I work up enough courage to go do it, we will get matching tattoos of the infinity sign on our ring fingers. Dan has caught the Tat fever now and has a new idea for new tattoos all of the time now. The next one he will get besides the ring finger one will be on his chest, over his heart and will be the kids birth dates. It is nice to feel free of guilt when doing things like getting a tattoo. These are all very meaningful and tasteful, but would have been a big no no a year ago ;-)
Below is something I came across today. I has been on my mind since I saw it. It describes me and many of the decisions I have made over the past year or so. I am very aware that many/most of you don't agree with most of my decisions, but I appreciate the respect to let me/us make them without disowning me or outcasting me. I have really had bad experiences over these decisions and would like to be able to move on and keep at least some of my friends and family intact. Here it is...
This is honestly the best way I can describe these decisions. Also, this is the counsel I have received for people professionally, religiously, personally, etc. As you can probably tell, I have been aching for people to understand me and why I do or have done the things I do. I generally feel as though I am walking the path alone. Although, I do have Dan. I am sure though that there are times he wishes he didn't have my issues and things to deal with. It can't be easy being him. Always wondering and worrying when I may crash and he will have to go back to not only being the sole person caring for our family, but have me to take care of as well. I don't know how I managed to luck out and get him for my husband, but I did and I love him.
OK, enough of my middle of the night rantings. I'm sure I'll be back again soon with more.
~Christy
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