I know that most of the latest post on here have not been of a happy nature and for that I'm sorry, however, they are honest and a picture of what we are trying to live through. I hope that someday I will be able to look back on this time (the better part of a decade) and see why we had to go through it and have at least a few happy memories.
Yes, we have made some decisions in the last while that have gone against the grain of what most of the people we know or have ever known. We have made it very clear that we don't make rash decisions, especially when it comes to our well being or the well being of our family. Any decisions are talked about and given a lot of thought before they are made. It makes me sad that I have to make this statement and still as I type feel that it's wrong that I have to explain myself EVERY TIME. Yes, I/We have made mistakes and yes we occasionally need help of some kind from others, we have never claimed to be perfect, but we also know that this doesn't make us horrible evil people who should be pitied and walked lightly around or looked down upon. No it doesn't mean we are going through a mid life crisis and going to be disappointed in ourselves when we "come to our senses." I have actually seen people look at me and shake their head and get a sad look on their face and walk away. This brings me to why I started writing this.
We have kids who have had friends since they were in pre school that are no longer allowed to talk to, be around, or any other way of communicating, with our kids because we don't go to church. Somehow, our not going to church morphs into them and makes them do bad things. This is not only a COMPLETE CONTRADICTION to what these people claim to be, it's simply mean! I have had enough of trying to console my teenage daughters because they have no more friends because they are apparently so evil just their presence is not wanted. I have mentioned all of this before, but it is at such a high level, I now understand how people come to a point where they do crazy things. My husband who is an amazingly talented photographer can't get anyone local to let him take their pictures because others who don't like some of what he has shot tell people he is a bad person and stay away. People are afraid they will be "Bad by association". This is ridiculous, but again, just mean. Then there is me, I guess I am the worst now, because I have done the ultimate badness and "scarred my body" permanently. I was told most of my life that anyone with a tattoo was just trying to get attention and ruining their body. That it was a sign of insecurity and just made them ugly. Don't get me wrong, some of this is true and some of them are ugly, but again, a persons worth as a human being and the worth of their soul have nothing to do with whether they have a tattoo or not. Most tattoos are expressions of a persons personality, something that means something to them. If people would look past the fact that someone has a tattoo and look at the actual piece of art, they would realize, most of the time it has deep meaning and importance and is usually something very nice. Here is mine. Yes, it's on my chest, over my heart (this is symbolic) and if you look at it, it is very symbolic. This isn't something I did on a whim, nor should I have to explain myself. It is something that means A LOT to me and I love it. I would hope I would stop getting questioned and pitied because of how "lost" I have become. I am not lost, nor do I need anyone's pity!
These are my most prized and loved people. We are tied together by infinity. I carry this close to my heart always. If this makes me bad and evil, then I guess that's all on the one who feels that way. How anyone can see and understand this and still feel anything other than how much I love my family is beyond understanding.
I have said it before and will say it again. The attitudes in the culture in this place are sucking the life out of my soul. All I have ever asked for is to be allowed to have my own opinions and thoughts and not have it be something used against me. There is so much more that has happen, but I can't keep going on here. I am scared to death for the city we live in, because again, it came down to not who would be best, but that they had to vote against him because he believes people should have the right to think for themselves. I am scared to death of how long I will be unemployed. Yes, I am unemployed, because I didn't quite meet the criteria someone thought I should. I met the level asked, just not as good as they thought I should. Just tired of attitudes thinking it's OK to just punish people for being different and then do it in the name of trying to be a good Christian.
Oh, and by the way, we didn't leave the church because we got offended, we did our homework and have many other valid reasons. Too much contradiction is one, even with the actual doctrine. See, we have brains and don't just get upset and act irrationally.
Again, I'm sorry for the rant, but at some point, things have to be said or it becomes an even bigger problem.