Back to This Place Once Again

Over the past several months I have been trying to see things in a different light. Hoping that life would take a turn for the better. To be completely honest, it did, for a while. Problem is that after a while everything went back to the same old thing, at least in many areas. I want all to know that I have put a lot of effort in to being hopeful and thinking positively. It does help, but when many others around me aren't changing and adjusting as well, it doesn't go anywhere.

I made a comment in Relief Society a few weeks ago about how a person becomes what they are consistently told they are.  A person can try to be happy and hopeful, but if the only reaction and comments they get from those around them are telling them they're hard to be around and completely negative, well, they become that. I know that I have struggled with this and that's what I said. The worst thing a person can say or do to me when I am already struggling to be happy and hopeful is to tell me I'm not doing a good enough job. I had many after that meeting come to me and tell me thank you for making that comment. That they didn't realize that this is what they were doing. I understand that, but felt it had to be said. I will admit that most of the adults that have been an issue in regards to Dan and I and our family have been much less judgmental and a lot more friendly to us over the past while. I so wish that was enough to help their children be this way. I have 4 kids who do not want to participate in any church activities or church itself. They have really tried to not let things bother them and participate and feel a part of things. Problem is that with a few people, it has gotten A LOT worse. Megan finally got a job after looking for a year and has to work most Sunday's. She has gotten so much negative backlash for this from her peers. Usually from those that don't have nor need a job, but that feel they should be telling her she is falling away from the path because she is being a responsible person and holding a job. This is no ones business but ours and Megan's. The thing is, why do others feel they need to watch and analyze and pick apart our family's flaws? Or what they think are flaws? It is a fight every Sunday. One that I won't continue to have. My kids are responsible, confident, independent people and they have free agency just like anyone else. Both of our daughters have expressed that they don't even want to go to camp next year if certain people are there. There are just a couple of girls that feel they are in charge, and take charge of everyone and have pretty much honed in on our girls for several years now. Why should everyone have to adjust to one or two? Shouldn't it be the other way around? 

Aubree is a free spirit. She has been babysitting this summer and earning some money for herself. She chose to have her ears pierced a second time and have her hair colored. I will admit that her hair is a little on the interesting side, but I did it! I colored it. She did it all with our permission. Honestly, she could be doing much worse things. These couple of things are trivial and don't really mean anything in the scheme of things, but to a few of her peers in church, this makes her a heathen that is going straight down a bad path and they will not be around her for fear that her badness will rub off on them. They have lectured and humiliated her so much that she doesn't want to even be around them. Again, this isn't concern, this is judgment. It isn't anyone elses business and they need to leave her alone. 

All of Jake's friends his age have moved. He also gets in trouble at church when he goes. He uses his ipod he got for his birthday for his scriptures and his peers, the only ones around, take exception to this and let him know he shouldn't have an ipod at church. These are 10, 11, and 12 year old kids!! COME ON!!!! First of all, there are more iPads and kindles at church than regular scriptures. It just shows how much people are honing in on our family and thinking they need to "SAVE" us. We are not heathens, we are just people who live in the world and accept people and situations for who they are instead of trying to "FIX" everyone. In fact, our girls got hassled at camp this year for the same thing people have been hassling all of us about for years now. Something they didn't even have anything to do with and that people have it all wrong about anyway! 

I will not be enforcing a go to church rule at this house any longer. I haven't really for a long time, but now, I most Sundays have a hard time making myself go. Can't make other people, and that's what they are, do something I am not sure I want to do. I have so many questions and frustration regarding church again. I can't understand how so many can preach (and I do mean preach, sometimes to a ridiculous level that makes me want to puke) one thing and do exactly the opposite. I know the Gospel is true, but can't wade through all of the other junk I have to to be able to go and participate and worship. Always something in complete contradiction. Dan has felt this way for a very long time and it has taken me a long time to understand how I feel, but I agree with him. Maybe at least now when people think our family are heathens who are lost they will at least be partially correct. We have a very large group of people who really do love us and care about us and think we are good loving people. It is an eclectic group that many here don't accept, but that is exactly the purpose for feeling this way so much now. Just because a person chooses a different way than you doesn't mean they are bad.Some of our best friends and family are gay. Some are not married and having kids, some are artistic models, the list goes on. The point is, they are the ones that have shown more Christlike actions than the majority of those who claim to be living this way. When Dan was in the hospital having his surgery, it was a friend who was in the middle of a divorce with interesting happenings, and a model than Dan has shot quite a bit that took care of our family. We didn't even gt a phone call from anyone around our neighborhood or ward. That's not true, Will and Bro. Wengreen came over and offered a blessing for Dan. Problem is that while Dan loves them for coming, he just wasn't in the frame of mind to accept it. That is it though. Nothing else. We have friends that are a gay couple who live not far from here that check in on us regularly just to make sure we are doing well. These are Christlike actions. 

We recently had a horrible experience with an exchange student. We are new to this, and felt we were very prepared for this situation. I guess we should have studied more about the French culture. I will just say that I don't have a very nice opinion of french teenagers. This has really hurt our family, but we are looking forward with faith and hope to the next person coming. Her name is Anna and she is from Germany. We have formed a friendship with her parents and with her and feel she will be a good fit in our family for the next 10 months. She seems like a very nice young lady who is down to earth and loving. We are excited to meet her. 

We keep trying to see hope for the future. It gets harder and harder as things unfold and life happens. We just tonight got some stressful news. I will share more later about that. 

Thanks for reading, sorry it's not a happy post again. Just need to get it out there so I know I've done what needs to be and then when people want to talk behind my back and think they know what's going on, I know what I have said. I know I have given no chance for misunderstanding. 

~Christy