Finding Purpose

Recently I was in a class and the subject was "Finding Your Purpose". There were other things along with it, but we sort of got stuck on this part, so I guess that was what we all needed to hear. Not to diminish the other parts though. They are important, I just can't remember the others enough to confidently talk about them here. It really did stand out to me though, like I was supposed to hear it when I did. 

For a very long time I have been searching for my purpose. Years ago I thought I had found it, but then everything changed. I guess my purpose in that respect changed. For the last almost 5 years I have been in constant and consistent change, but I think I finally understand why. This doesn't mean I will never have a day of total discouragement, just that for now I understand. When you are going along in life and things are going well you don't expect it to take a major turn and seem to go backwards, but that is exactly what happened to us. Seven years ago we were doing great! Getting ready to buy our house, both of us in school and working, (I had a job as the exec. asst. to the VP of Academics at UVU) kids doing pretty well, finally pretty deeply involved in church and with our ward members. (this is something I think about a lot, that we were doing so well because we had let God into our home and family) Dan was the Young Men's President and things were going pretty well. One day in June of 2004 Dan all of a sudden got really ill and was in severe pain. It was discovered that he had a kidney stone. After a month of trying to figure it out, they discovered and removed a tumor from his parathyroid. This gland regulates levels of minerals and stuff in the body. Therefore his calcium level was unregulated and he developed a kidney stone. During this time I had walked out of my job, and 2 people died withing days of each other. One was my aunt and the other was the person I had been working in place of and the person everyone hated me for "replacing".  I remember telling some one that I never wanted to go through a year like 2004 again. I never did have a year like 2004 again, they got progressively worse. We made so many changes in 2005. We bought our house and a new car, moved Dan's parents in, got new jobs, etc. 2006 hit with a vengeance. This is when I got sick. All of a sudden I was no longer able to work or go to school. Kyler especially was having a hard time in life basically. It seemed, and has continued to seem as though everything I/we had built was gone. I could no longer be the wife or mother I had worked so hard to be and now it was all on Dan to carry us. Anyway, I have gone through so many doctors and tests and have had to learn to advocate for myself so much during these years. I always wondered why I had to o through this. What I discovered was that I had to learn how to advocate for myself BIGTIME, but that when Kyler almost died I was able to advocate for him with some pretty good precision. I would not have know how to do it if I hadn't gone through it myself. Fast forward a few years to a more present time. The last year or so has been very hard on Dan especially. He has had a lot of stress trying to take care of us. He also tries to help his parents and friends, anyone who needs it. What happened though is that he finally hit a wall and just couldn't keep carrying all of this burden.  He still doesn't understand his potential that I  and many others see. He is wonderful the way he is, but has so much more to offer if he would let it happen. This past while has been very hard and trying on us,  but I have learned that some of the things he is dealing with are things that only I can help him with. Only I have the certain specific understanding of him that he needs. I'm not trying to make myself look important or something, but I understand my purpose in these things. I am here dealing with what I'm dealing with because I have a certain special something that Dan and my kids need, that no one else has. I cannot even say how hard the past years, especially the past one, have been, but I'm hoping with a little understanding of why, it will help me to get through it a little easier and better.

Recently some good friends of ours have had a really rough time. I feel like some of the things that we have gone through over the years have made it so that when our friends needed us, we were able to be there for them and they could confide in us and we would know what to say and do to help them. 

Tomorrow will be our 22nd wedding anniversary. It is amazing to me that it has been that long. We, or at least I, am asked all of the time how we did it. How after getting married at 16 and 17 years old, we have beat all of the odds and stresses against us and stayed together. My answer to that actually sounds pretty simple. It is that not making it work has never been an option. We have and still do actually work through whatever problems and issues arise. Sincere love and fierce loyalty and trust play a huge part as well. The past year has been quite hard at times and a challenge for us, but we continue to fight for us because we love each other and sincerely want our marriage and family to be as good and wonderful as it can be. 

I love you Dan! You are a wonderful husband and a great father and I am the luckiest person because I have the privilege of spending eternity with you and our family.  OK, so these are a little out of order but it's us over the years.

July 8th 1989

Sometime in 1990

Spring 1989

December 2010

December 2010