A Full Explaination of the Previous One Word Post

Sorry, this one will be long, but it's the only way I can do it :-)

Well, I don't know how many of you noticed that I have not posted on here for a while. I purposefully didn't post because I was really having a hard time finding anything nice to say. While obviously that hasn't always stopped me, I just really had a feeling something good was coming. It had to, I was sinking to the bottom. I knew it, but really couldn't find a way to climb out of it.

As most of you know, I have been fighting with Social Security since January of 2007(to do the math is 2y9m) to approve me as disabled. I was almost 34 when all of this happened and am almost 37 now. In approximately 5 weeks, it will be 3 years since the day I got sick.This process has been very long physically and emotionally for me and for my family, Especially Dan. At the point in time when I got sick, I was bringing about 3/4 of the amount Dan was and we were doing pretty well financially. An experience we had worked hard to have. Life changed VERY dramatically on the 18th of October 2006. Anyway, after 2 episodes of this happening and 1 month in the hospital and weeks of outpatient everything, Dan filed for SSDI.

After waiting for what seemed like forever, I was told I had a hearing on May 21st of this year. As many of you have previously read on this blog, this hearing did not go well. I had what seemed like the meanest judge in existence, and no chance of ever getting approved. I was so let down by this, it felt like just another person who didn't even believe me that I was going through what I said I was. I am a person who is all about doing things the right way, correctly. Just ask Dan, it drives him insane sometimes. Losing my credibility is one of the worst things that could happen to me. I have been turned away and told I was unbelievable so much, that it just about put me over the edge. Anyway, to my surprise, the judge continued my case. I was FUMING mad that day, but Dan kept reminding me that this was really a good thing, that it gave us time to solidify my case. I had pretty much no hope, but tried to take his advice. I was just too tired to go on much more.

SO fast forward to August 26th, 2009. This was when my hearing had been rescheduled for. We went up to the courthouse like normal, then we spoke with my representative who told us that she was hopeful, but that not much had changed. We discussed it and decided that Dan would be held out as a witness. If things looked like they weren't in our favor, he could go in and basically back up my story. Thankfully, that never happened. When we were first in there, things were very tense and unhappy. This judge really doesn't show any kind of emotion. They went through all of the technicals, then it was my turn to speak. I basically told her that I felt sad that the world has turned in to such a place, that when a person tried to do things the honest way, this is what happens. Then I proceeded to tell her that I have 4 kids and a husband and a home that I could no longer take care of or help out in pretty much any way anymore. That if I could be better, I would be. That I don't like what has happened to me nor do I want to have to be unable to do the things that a 36 year old wife and mother should be doing. At this point, I started to cry. I apologized for this and told her that I did not want to cry as I felt it made her think I was not being honest, but it happened anyway and I couldn't stop it. She asked me why I hadn't seen certain doctors, at which point I told her that I didn't know these docs existed and if I did, I would have seen them. She then told me where to find them. You could have knocked my rep over with a feather. I explained previously that this judge has no feelings, remember? She then asked the doc she brought in of his opinion, he said he couldn't put his finger on a decision and was leaving it to her. Then she asked the Vocational Specialist that she brought in of her opinion as to whether I could work a job and the answer was like the best sound in my ears had heard in a VERY long time. She said... "No Way, Not in my opinion, NO". We were then excused and I was wished a good day by everyone, including the judge. The door shut behind us and my rep said something like... I don't know what it was that you did, but the judge actually had what looked like tears in her eyes. She never helps anyone, and certainly isn't cordial to wish anyone a good day. We then met Dan who had been pacing the halls and spoke for a bit. We were told that generally if it's favorable, it's quick, (Quick meaning 4-6 weeks) and non favorable will take a while. Then we left. We were cautiously optimistic but not letting ourselves get too sure. I however, waited about 3 days before I started having the mail checked like 14 times a day. I just felt like it was going to be there.

So Friday, September 4th, 2009 Dan went out and checked the mail. He started saying as he came in the door..."Can I open it?, Can I open it?" This is what was in his hand... (sorry, blocked out my address for safety

So we sat down at the table and he opened it up. I think my heart stopped for a minute there. Then, this is what we saw...

I know that this is hard to see, but that top line and the 3rd line say..."Notice of Decision - Fully Favorable" and..."This decision is fully favorable to you".

I sat back for a minute while Dan read all of the technicalities to me. I think I pinched myself a few times to make sure it was real. Could it really be over? Could all of the emotional roller coaster of the past 3 years be over? I couldn't believe it. I cannot explain the relief that came over me once it all settled in. I thought Dan was going to cry. He said to me, "This will be so good for us, it will be like getting a raise". It's true, if things go the way we think they probably will, he won't have to work himself to the bone and then come home and continue doing it anymore. Now I realize that this doesn't make me better, and that there is much more to go from here, but the joy of this pressure being gone is immense.

Also, a revelation came with this letter. One that said that I have a diagnosis of Degenerative Disc Disease in my Cervical Spine. Nothing anyone can do to help this from what I understand, and it took me a minute to get past the fact that my docs knew this and didn't tell me, just let me go on thinking I was going crazy, but at least now I know some of what is going on with me and feel as though my credibility has been reinstated. Life is OK for the time being. We now wait to find out the numbers of the financials, but I should get insurance and pay retroactively to early 2007. We are back to the waiting, but at least we know the outcome will be better than before.

I hope that during this time I have not completely alienated my friends and family. It has been a very hard 3 years for our family and especially Dan and I, but we are looking forward to a better future. This is a quote that Dan sent to me yesterday, I think it's fitting here.

“Some of us look forward to a time in the future

salvation and exaltation in the world to come

but today is part of eternity.”

- David O McKay

I hope that all of our family and friends are getting answers to their prayers. We are beginning to see ours and know that it is in no small part do to your prayers in our behalf . Thank You all.

~ Christy