So, one Sunday a little over a month ago I was lying in bed with a headache and no intent or desire to go to church (refer to the previous posts) when Jake came in and said "Mom, get up! We need to go to church today!" I said I had a headache and wasn't going to go. He left for a bit, but then came back about 20 minutes later, "MOM! Get up! It's time to go, we need to go!" I was sort of ticked by then. I told him to leave me alone and that I was going back to sleep and my head hurt. He walked away and then came back yet again! "MOM!!!!" By then I was mad. I told him to leave me alone! He walked away discouraged and as I laid there it dawned on me that there must be a reason he was so determined to go this day. At this point I rolled out of bed and told him to get dressed and I got dressed and we left. I very grudgingly sat in the bench. It was Ward Conference that day. I didn't smile, nor speak to anyone. We were late. It wasn't long before I realized what the reason was for being there. The talks that were given that day were ones that if I hadn't heard with my own ears I would have not believed were given. They were pretty much exactly what I had been hoping, begging, and wondering if ever would be given. They were about loving everyone and worrying about yourselves and what you can make better, not what you can tell others to do better. I asked Jake why he was so sure about going that day. He said he didn't know other than he just felt like it was important. This is the second time Jake has been prompted to hold his family together. I often wonder what he is destined to be. He is very much in tune with the Spirit. I have been every Sunday since. I am still wary and have a hard time trusting people, but I am trying. Things seem to be different and I am sure there have been changes made. Just still not feeling totally comfortable. I hope it will come in time.
Aubree's very best friend has been a victim of some pretty serious bullying. As has Aubree, but the friend and her family have really been treated bad. This happening was so bad that her friend had to be pulled from school and transferred for her protection. In one months time, Aubree lost cheer and her best friend at school. They are still besties, but no longer have each other for support as far as school. This has been hard on Aubree, but she is making it though. There were a couple of hard days in the last few weeks, but she is doing better now.
So, we have been dealing with car issues for at least a month. We lost every car we had in a few months time. They all just died. It made us feel a little cursed. We take care of our vehicles, but they just died. In all honesty, they were old and paid their dues. We went a month or so with Kyler's car, my dad's 73 truck, and Jim's truck. My dad's truck does pretty well for being almost 40 years old, but I think it uses like 6 gallons to the mile...LOL! It was what we had though and we appreciate having it when we needed it. Right after we got my dad's truck, the fuel pump went out while Dan was driving it. Kylers car won't go in reverse, but it's still drivable, and we were driving Jim's truck the other day and the clutch went out. See what I mean about a curse? That's just the borrowed cars. Not even what happened with ours! Anyway, we talked for a while and decided we had to figure out how to get a newer car. It took some very creative financing and a lot of nerves about the payments, but we did get a "new to us" vehicle. We love it. It is what we have wanted and were even able to get a warranty. At least now we have peace of mind when it comes to our vehicle. Here is a picture.
It is a 2005 Tahoe. Three seats and everything. SOOOO nice. I'm just happy I didn't have to go back to a minivan. We've had it a week today. LOVE IT!!!
So now we come to the happenings of this week. Not only are we still waiting on an approval for something very important for Dan, My dad had a procedure on Monday and then Tuesday was my mom's 75th birthday. My dad had surgery on Thursday and Thursday was also my brother in law's 60th birthday. We had a surprise party for him. In the midst of all of this, we got some news from Kyler's special ed teachers that made us have to make some big decisions. We finally came to the conclusion that he would never make it to graduation. He simply had too much to make up and still keep up with current stuff. He has done a pretty good job with what he has to deal with, but it became clear that it was just too much. We decided to withdraw him from school and have him take the equivalency test. This is very close to the same as a high school graduate now and it works out much better for him. He will be 18 a week from today and will be able to start out his adulthood with a clean slate and nothing dragging behind him from the past. We have already gotten things set up for this and feel good about it. We are told he should be able to pass the test just fine. He will be working and moving on with life. It was very sad saying goodbye yesterday. All of the faculty and staff at the school were very supportive and love him and sent him off with good wishes. We are hoping things keep working out for him. He is a good person who is just trying very hard to find his way. However unique that way may be. We are sad, but are proud of him for deciding to move forward. All we ask is that everyone please give him encouragement and support while he makes this transition into adulthood. Not easy without any challenges, imagine what he is dealing with. Love and support from friends and family are the best thing for him and all of us right now. Also very much appreciated.
Well, I think this is it for now. I'm sure I will have more to say soon. Here is the article I spoke of earlier. We love Kirby, he says those things that need to be said but no one dares say. This article is very close to my heart. I cried while reading it and hope it sends a message to many who need to hear it. Thank you to all who still love and support us.
Kirby: We all have crosses to bear. Don’t lose sight of your own
The Salt Lake Tribune
First published Mar 23 2012 02:26PMUpdated Mar 23, 2012 07:54PM
For the record, I take several medications for assorted mental health issues. I’ve taken them off and on for the past 30 years.
I have no idea what these drugs do for me. I have noticed the effect they have on other people, though. When I take my meds, they seem to become less annoying. Odd how that works.
I’ve come to terms with my condition. I’m not even all that embarrassed by it. It’s just the cross I drag through life.
Fortunately, I’ve had the support of some patient and loving people.
Wasn’t always that way. I used to think my condition was entirely my fault, that it wasn’t a physiological problem like bad eyesight or a missing limb.
Because the problem has no obvious physical manifestation, it makes it difficult for other people to understand it and make allowances.
It’s easy to tell when someone is missing a leg. It isn’t there. And you can’t pretend it is no matter how optimistically giddy you are about it. It’s a bit harder to do that with psychological issues.
I do what I can to make my situation better. In addition to remembering to take my meds, I’ve learned several work-arounds that help me avoid dragging my cross into a no-win situation.
For example, I don’t do well in overly regimented environments. Those tend to be filled with people for whom rules and obedience are the solutions to just about everything.
So I avoid them. And I don’t blame myself (anymore) for doing that.
Like a guy with no legs, I don’t simply assume that a positive mental attitude will make me an NFL quarterback. And neither will prayer.
Recently, one of my friends told me that his missionary son had been counseled to cope with his severe depression by praying more. The Lord would help him through it. Medication was OK if you needed that sort of thing, but wasn’t the Lord the best doctor?
This is great logic if you’re not similarly afflicted. Hey, it’s amazingly easy to think up possible solutions when you don’t understand the actual problem.
Nobody would think of telling someone with no legs to just pray for new ones. Maybe that’s why you never read of Jesus in the New Testament saying, "Stupid lepers. Just pray and be more obedient."
The scary part is that my friend’s son Mike will drag home a load of self-loathing if his depression worsens and he can’t finish his mission. He’ll come back believing that he’s spiritually defective rather than just biologically challenged.
It won’t be his fault, but lots of people won’t let him think that.
After all, there’s nothing really wrong with him other than he won’t run fast enough to keep up with God and the rest of us. Right?
Personal trials are an inescapable part of life. They’re also relative to the individual. Different people, different crosses.
Nobody drags theirs the same way.
Sometimes the burden is obvious to everyone, including the person doing the lugging. Other times the cross is far less identifiable, not only to the owner but everyone remotely connected to it.
Mental health issues can be tough to figure out, especially in highly judgmental environments where appearances are enormously important.
Mike’s cross is severe depression. Your cross might be that you’re too dogmatic and ignorant to recognize it. You can’t help someone with their burden if your own keeps getting in the way.
Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/notpatbagley.
