What I am Grateful For...

I am so grateful for my family. I know that they don't always know it and that things get crazy, but I am very grateful for the opportunity to have a family. I often wonder how I deserve the chance to have my family. I just hope I have done and continue to do a good job with them.

I don't know if I will ever be able to find the words to express how grateful I am for Dan. He is simply wonderful. I know it has been especially hard the past few years dealing with my/our situation, but he is somehow able to take a deep breath and go to it. He takes care of me and our kids so wonderfully. We don't always see eye to eye, but we are the completion of each other. I can't imagine my life without him.

I am so grateful for my friends, you know who you are, and extended family. They are what keeps me going.

I am very grateful that I live in this country. Things aren't the best right now, but it is a great country and I appreciate the freedoms I enjoy, and do my best to respect those that have kept that freedom for me.

I am thankful to have a home. I am thankful that Dan is employed, and even has 2 jobs. That I am able to live comfortably.

I am thankful for Buddy. He likes to bark and is getting older and is not well much of the time, but he is loyal and loves me and is always there for me. I only wish I could take him on walks and play with him more. I love my dog!

I am thankful for Tazzy. I didn't think I could ever like a cat, let alone love him. He is wild and crazy(thus his name Tazmanian Devil- Tazzy for short) and he likes to scare us to death by jumping out in front of us unannounced. He is a good cat and likes to lay by me and purr.

All in all, life is pretty good. I don't say this very often. I just wanted to express my gratitude for all of the things I have and that I enjoy. I hope all take some time to reflect on what they have.

Happy Thanksgiving to All

~Christy

An Update on Us

I have not posted on here for quite some time. I have been waiting for something deep or meaningful to say, but since that's not happening, I thought I would just give you all an update.

We have had quite a lot happening around here lately.

Kyler finished his Sophomore football season a few weeks ago. Their team had a pretty good record, I think 6 and 2. Not bad for the Sophomores and Freshmen. He had a 2 week break and is now into wrestling. He has been wrestling for several years, since I think 7th or 8th grade. He is pretty good. He was on the JV team during his 9th grade year, but just about the time that they were doing state competitions and things, he got really sick and ended up in the hospital where he was very close to dying. He didn't get to finish the season and was quite upset about it, but it was not his fault and he is still with us, so all is well.

Megan just finished a volleyball season. This year she was able to try out for a freshmen league team, and made it. They ended up winning 3rd place, or as Megan says..."The winners of the losers". Megan has been playing volleyball for several years as well. She is quite good and will hopefully be able to continue playing throughout high school and possibly beyond. We're very happy that she found something that she truly enjoys doing, and is good at as well.

(Sorry, wish I had a better pick) This is what she's best at though.

Aubree is in that stage of life where she doesn't know what she wants to do, so she has been the cheer sister that goes to the games and stuff and cheers them on, or stays at home and helps me out around the house. I hope that she soon figures out where she belongs. She is a truly loving girl, that trusts others, and has been hurt a lot.

Jake just finished his first season of tackle football. He LOVES football. You would be hard pressed to find him anywhere without one. We sort of have to lay down the law that there are no footballs allowed at church. He's very good at it, and does whatever the coach asks of him. He has played both sides of the ball and has a pretty good understanding of the game. He really enjoys playing and we hope he is able to continue on playing throughout his school career. It makes him happy.

All in all we are doing OK. Dan is back to working 16 to 18 hour days and is very tired, but he enjoys his job at the McKay Center. The people he works with there are really nice, and great to him and all of us.

I just had yet another surgery. This one was to fix the original ankle surgery I had in March 2008. It hasn't really been bad at all. The worst part of it is that I haven't really felt like I've come out of the sedation. Weird I know, but everyone, including myself, would probably faint if I was just normal. I am trying to learn how to just go with the flow. It's hard, but I'm working on it.

Well, that was just an update for now. Maybe something spectacular will happen and I will have something deep or meaningful to say soon. (I wouldn't hold my breath :-) ) Thanks to all who read this blog and who are caring and concerned for our family. We feel your love.

~Christy

Sorry, it's political again

I live in Utah County. I think it was declared the reddest of all red counties. I worked as a poll worker for the elections last year, and another worker literally cried when she found out that President Obama has been elected. I feel quite lonely in my beliefs here. I have a hard time seeing the Republicans as the religious party. I think that it is easy to reconcile with Democrats as the party that represents my faith and values. The thirteenth article of faith talks about doing good to all men, hope, and seeking out lovely things. I think this describes the democrats. I abhor abortion and am in agreement with President Obama when he said that no one is pro-abortion. I think that abortion as a form of birth control is wrong, and should be used sparingly and rarely. The twelfth article talks about being subject to presidents, I don’t think that means calling them Hitler or saying that he hates white people. I think that issues should be debated on the merits, not by name calling and defining people by one or two members of their circle of associates.

I am disappointed that my church interferes with a non-members civil rights for religious reasons, and that I have to reconcile that with my own system of values, and my testimony of the truthfulness of the restored gospel. I need to exercise my faith, and trust in The Lord to guide me not only in this area of my life, but in all areas of my life. I like to think that the eleventh article of faith means that we allow others to believe that gay marriage is of God, and that if it bring two people together and forms a family that raises children in love, that should be their right.

I apologize for unloading in my posts. I used to sit at lunch with friends and debate issues and current events. I loved that. The only person that I really talk to about this kind of stuff now is my wife (and friends and family on FaceBook), and I can’t unload on her anymore because she is tired of the conflict. I like to think that I am fighting the good fight. I like to think that I am giving people whose only source of enlightenment is Fox "news" a different perspective of the world and world events. In my most humble opinion, the great divisiveness that is now part of this country's culture of right and wrong is the fault of the republicans. Don't get me wrong, the dems do it too, but watching this latest health care process just makes me sad. The dems cut and slashed and compromised to get one republican vote. Why? Why are they (the dems) trying so hard when no matter how watered down it is, when the republicans are not going to vote for it because it is a democratic measure? The republicans did not work at all to bring dems to their side when passing things, why are the dems such wusses when it comes to getting things done. Most Americans want a public option, and it will be good for the country. Congress should listen to the people that voted them in, not the paid lobbyists and just PASS THIS THING.

Reflection

Today is the 3 year anniversary of the day my life changed forever. Things were pretty good for the most part. I had a few issues I was dealing with, but for the most part OK. Trying to attain a college degree, working a full-time job and making fairly decent money. Dan and I had just bought our house a year earlier. It was that time that everyone had told us we would eventually reach. A time of happiness, security, and feeling accomplishment. It wasn't to last like that I guess.

As I look back and see the past 3 years I can see where there has been some good things to go along with the not so good things. I have learned that people with disabilities are some of the hardest working people there are. They may not be able to do a lot of the "physical" work that society deems work, but for them it's just getting out of bed in the morning sometimes. A great deal of what disabled people go through is emotion. In dealing with my own disabilities, I have not always done a great job with the emotion part. It's hard. To go from a do it all type person to not being able to do much of anything is very hard emotionally. I have learned a lot in this area, and continue to learn. Coming to accept ones disabilities is a pretty complete life change. I am one who has fought to keep my credibility during 3 years of unknown diagnosis and many professionals and not so professionals thinking I was mentally ill and doing this for attention. I hope that this is finally cleared up as they have come up with a few diagnosis and that it has come to light that I have several of my proceeding family members who suffer from the same issue. Just knowing that I am not crazy helps a lot emotionally. I now just try and deal with the emotion of not being able to do many things that I should, and previously did, be able to do. It's hard, and all I ask is for understanding and care during this time and I keep attempting to adjust to the changes that have been put upon me.

I have learned a lot over the past few years. I have learned that I can push myself harder than I ever thought I could. I do have a few VERY good friends who I count on A LOT. I also gained new friends, with one in particular I feel I've known my whole life. We are very close and very much alike. (You know who you are) I just wish that she was geographically closer.

I would be remiss if I didn't thank Dan for the love and care shown me during this time. He has ridden this roller coaster with me the whole way through. His life and the lives of my children have also changed and they have had to adjust as well. He is my rock, my strength, my eternal companion. I thank him for loving me every day.

Well, I just needed to express something. Every year this date goes by and it is an emotional day for me. This year I have a little more hope than last and hope that this trend of yearly improvement will continue.

~Christy

The Good Ole Days

So I've been thinking a lot the past few days about the old days. You know, the days when you could get up in the morning and go through the day and maybe only run into a few negativity's before going to bed. Now I know that I have not been the most positive person for the last while, but I do at least try. I am really disturbed by the way society in general has become rude and cynical. People just say what they think when they think it, even if it's not something they know or really believe. Usually just what came to their mind the quickest. We have tried to instill a sense of compassion and respect in our children, the problem is that they spend the bulk of their time with many who have not. What's more is that they are treated badly if they do follow these things. If I was a teenager today, I would be scared to death to act respectfully. Now I'm not saying they shouldn't be responsible for their own actions, just that it would be nice if others were too, including some adults. It seems that many claim and use their "right" to say whatever they want, but forget to remember and respect the way that they got that right.

I am quite disturbed by some of the reactions to recent current events. Whether we agree or not on things that are being done, we should still have the basic human compassion we were all given as human beings.

I apologize for anything I may have said that may have been offensive and ask forgiveness, all I ask is the same respect in return. It seems that if society would do this simple thing, the world would be a much better place.

I know that it's nothing new, but I am very sad right now. I can't get away from the fighting and arguing. If we have the right to these things, don't we have the right to ask for some peace as well? Just a thought

Sorry,

Christy

Dan

I know I have done this before, but I need to again.

Our lesson for Priesthood and Relief Society on Sunday was about our eternal family. This is something that I try to keep in perspective, not always succeeding, but trying none the less. Remembering that the effects of today are not just for a time, they are eternal. This makes one think a little differently than maybe they would if they were just believing it was for a short time. I put a quote on my last post that is definitely applicable here again, it was by David O. McKay. Read it if you choose, it's all bout looking forward but not forgetting that this time is part of eternity as well.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I could let Dan know just how much I love and appreciate him. I know I am not the best at showing it all of the time, and for that I am sorry. I do recognize the things he does for me and our family. He literally works himself sick. This past week, with a little help from me, not much, and my parents, he canned 32 quarts of peaches, 12 quarts of pasta sauce, last weekend he did grape juice, and the week before that was the heavy lifter for another 3o+ quarts of peaches. He also did pickles a few weeks back. All of this on top of working 10 hour days at one job, and some at the other. Also included in this schedule are various practices and football and volleyball games. I do what I can, but I am slow and not much help. He cooks and cleans and pretty much does it all. It makes me cry to describe all of this and know how tired he is. Some how he keeps reminding me that it's ok, that I didn't ask for this to happen to me, that it's his responsibility to take care of his family. In the lesson I mentioned before, it talks about what is on the shoulders of men in the church. The priesthood is a huge responsibility and when you add all of the above mentioned, it's almost like the weight of the world is on him.

I sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. How did I get so lucky? I know many people who do not have what I have. I can't understand the dynamic of it being any other way. I was raised by a man who took all of this very seriously and married a man who also does. I know no other way. I wish everyone had this.

Well, I will keep this relatively short(Compared to previous posts). I hope that Dan knows how much I and our children love and appreciate him. Even if we're not always showing it. He is my rock. I don't know what I would do without him. I guess I don't need to worry, he is mine for eternity.

~Christy

A Full Explaination of the Previous One Word Post

Sorry, this one will be long, but it's the only way I can do it :-)

Well, I don't know how many of you noticed that I have not posted on here for a while. I purposefully didn't post because I was really having a hard time finding anything nice to say. While obviously that hasn't always stopped me, I just really had a feeling something good was coming. It had to, I was sinking to the bottom. I knew it, but really couldn't find a way to climb out of it.

As most of you know, I have been fighting with Social Security since January of 2007(to do the math is 2y9m) to approve me as disabled. I was almost 34 when all of this happened and am almost 37 now. In approximately 5 weeks, it will be 3 years since the day I got sick.This process has been very long physically and emotionally for me and for my family, Especially Dan. At the point in time when I got sick, I was bringing about 3/4 of the amount Dan was and we were doing pretty well financially. An experience we had worked hard to have. Life changed VERY dramatically on the 18th of October 2006. Anyway, after 2 episodes of this happening and 1 month in the hospital and weeks of outpatient everything, Dan filed for SSDI.

After waiting for what seemed like forever, I was told I had a hearing on May 21st of this year. As many of you have previously read on this blog, this hearing did not go well. I had what seemed like the meanest judge in existence, and no chance of ever getting approved. I was so let down by this, it felt like just another person who didn't even believe me that I was going through what I said I was. I am a person who is all about doing things the right way, correctly. Just ask Dan, it drives him insane sometimes. Losing my credibility is one of the worst things that could happen to me. I have been turned away and told I was unbelievable so much, that it just about put me over the edge. Anyway, to my surprise, the judge continued my case. I was FUMING mad that day, but Dan kept reminding me that this was really a good thing, that it gave us time to solidify my case. I had pretty much no hope, but tried to take his advice. I was just too tired to go on much more.

SO fast forward to August 26th, 2009. This was when my hearing had been rescheduled for. We went up to the courthouse like normal, then we spoke with my representative who told us that she was hopeful, but that not much had changed. We discussed it and decided that Dan would be held out as a witness. If things looked like they weren't in our favor, he could go in and basically back up my story. Thankfully, that never happened. When we were first in there, things were very tense and unhappy. This judge really doesn't show any kind of emotion. They went through all of the technicals, then it was my turn to speak. I basically told her that I felt sad that the world has turned in to such a place, that when a person tried to do things the honest way, this is what happens. Then I proceeded to tell her that I have 4 kids and a husband and a home that I could no longer take care of or help out in pretty much any way anymore. That if I could be better, I would be. That I don't like what has happened to me nor do I want to have to be unable to do the things that a 36 year old wife and mother should be doing. At this point, I started to cry. I apologized for this and told her that I did not want to cry as I felt it made her think I was not being honest, but it happened anyway and I couldn't stop it. She asked me why I hadn't seen certain doctors, at which point I told her that I didn't know these docs existed and if I did, I would have seen them. She then told me where to find them. You could have knocked my rep over with a feather. I explained previously that this judge has no feelings, remember? She then asked the doc she brought in of his opinion, he said he couldn't put his finger on a decision and was leaving it to her. Then she asked the Vocational Specialist that she brought in of her opinion as to whether I could work a job and the answer was like the best sound in my ears had heard in a VERY long time. She said... "No Way, Not in my opinion, NO". We were then excused and I was wished a good day by everyone, including the judge. The door shut behind us and my rep said something like... I don't know what it was that you did, but the judge actually had what looked like tears in her eyes. She never helps anyone, and certainly isn't cordial to wish anyone a good day. We then met Dan who had been pacing the halls and spoke for a bit. We were told that generally if it's favorable, it's quick, (Quick meaning 4-6 weeks) and non favorable will take a while. Then we left. We were cautiously optimistic but not letting ourselves get too sure. I however, waited about 3 days before I started having the mail checked like 14 times a day. I just felt like it was going to be there.

So Friday, September 4th, 2009 Dan went out and checked the mail. He started saying as he came in the door..."Can I open it?, Can I open it?" This is what was in his hand... (sorry, blocked out my address for safety

So we sat down at the table and he opened it up. I think my heart stopped for a minute there. Then, this is what we saw...

I know that this is hard to see, but that top line and the 3rd line say..."Notice of Decision - Fully Favorable" and..."This decision is fully favorable to you".

I sat back for a minute while Dan read all of the technicalities to me. I think I pinched myself a few times to make sure it was real. Could it really be over? Could all of the emotional roller coaster of the past 3 years be over? I couldn't believe it. I cannot explain the relief that came over me once it all settled in. I thought Dan was going to cry. He said to me, "This will be so good for us, it will be like getting a raise". It's true, if things go the way we think they probably will, he won't have to work himself to the bone and then come home and continue doing it anymore. Now I realize that this doesn't make me better, and that there is much more to go from here, but the joy of this pressure being gone is immense.

Also, a revelation came with this letter. One that said that I have a diagnosis of Degenerative Disc Disease in my Cervical Spine. Nothing anyone can do to help this from what I understand, and it took me a minute to get past the fact that my docs knew this and didn't tell me, just let me go on thinking I was going crazy, but at least now I know some of what is going on with me and feel as though my credibility has been reinstated. Life is OK for the time being. We now wait to find out the numbers of the financials, but I should get insurance and pay retroactively to early 2007. We are back to the waiting, but at least we know the outcome will be better than before.

I hope that during this time I have not completely alienated my friends and family. It has been a very hard 3 years for our family and especially Dan and I, but we are looking forward to a better future. This is a quote that Dan sent to me yesterday, I think it's fitting here.

“Some of us look forward to a time in the future

salvation and exaltation in the world to come

but today is part of eternity.”

- David O McKay

I hope that all of our family and friends are getting answers to their prayers. We are beginning to see ours and know that it is in no small part do to your prayers in our behalf . Thank You all.

~ Christy

APPROVED!!!

The Changing of the Seasons

Fall is returning and has brought our lives back with it. I love summer, but I really need to get back to life. Christy attended her final hearing for Social Security last week and while we do not ever count on anything when it comes to the government, we are looking optimistically to the future.

Kyler is playing football and has practice or a game every weekday. He has done his fair share in the fundraising department and is feeling the effects of getting tackled by young men that are bigger than him and running at high speed.

Megan is trying out for a volleyball club team. The cuts are tonight and we are confidant that she will make the team. She has been playing for three years and has been going to camp for the last two. Her skills have improved and she is not afraid to sacrifice her body for the ball.

Aubree is the social butterfly of the group. She helps us out at home and keeps up with all her friends on Facebook.

Jake is playing tackle football this year. He has been waiting from birth to start playing. He practices everyday and has his first game is this weekend.

I finally go back to my part-time job on Monday. Nothing happens there in the summer and I miss the people that I work with and getting out and working with the public.

Our lives are a constant maze of interacting projectiles that meet up for a meal a couple of times a week, but it works for us. All of this running around has kept us from the gym for a few weeks, but that situation will be remedied soon.

Those of you who known me well know that the current political debate invigorates me. I worked and was a student at UVSC when the Michael Moore/Sean Hannity controversy was stirring. I loved the energy on the college campus. I loved the dialogue between the opposing views. In watching the news coverage I was amazed at the many good things that were said about Teddy Kennedy from people across the political spectrum. He made mistakes in his life and those mistakes guided his future life decisions. He was known as a politician that reached across the isle to get things done. Both sides now have their own ideas about what Teddy would do now, but here is my opinion. Health care needs reform, and politicians need to reach across the isle and get it done. Each side of this debate listens to their own pundits and commentators and get pushed back into their own corners and make no effort to come to the middle. There is no longer a Walter Cronkite to give us the news as it is, there are only “news” channels to spin everything their direction. I hope that America can learn to just get along…

Stay Tuned... for the Next Episode In This Drama

OK, so the past week I had an MRI, another sleep study, a Spinal tap and tomorrow is another physical evaluation. While I know that I cannot do much of anything, I am very nervous about this. All of the tests always come back normal or something close, but obviously I am not OK and this doctor knows it. This is the only thing really holding me together. I managed to escape the spinal headaches from the Spinal Tap, at least I think I have, which is great, but what I didn't have before (probably because I was paralyzed and couldn't feel it) is a very severe backache. Not just a normal one, one that goes from the top to the bottom of my spine. I guess if I was a spine, I would not like a great big needle jammed into me. I'm sure this is normal, but not comfortable. My hope is that going through all of this will find something and give me some answers. I can't trust that it will though. I have seemed to have lost my ability to not react when I get one of these "everything came back normal" answers. A little worried about myself. Anyway, whatever.

I do know for sure though that the sleep apnea I have is completely neurological. There is nothing obstructing my airways. Getting my tonsils out wasn't a total waste. The scary part is that it's "simply", don't you love that word "simply" , that my brain tells my body to stop breathing. No real way to treat this except with a breathing machine at night. This doctors office has been wonderful to help me find a way to make this work. The last one pretty much said, "Here is your machine, Good Luck". I had problems consistently and they would never help me. Anyway, maybe this will help me a little. After the last test, the guy doing said he thinks I got some much needed deep restful sleep I probably hadn't had in years. He was right. I felt pretty good the next day until I had to walk too much and felt like crap when I went to bed. Oh well, such is my life.

Well, I'll try and update some more after I get some answers from all of this. Asking that all of you cross your fingers, and toes and pray and whatever else you can think of that this might all go through for us. We really need things to go better for us/me. Thanks

~Christy