California Dreaming 2012 Part 1

We took a little trip this month.  Christy asked what I wanted for my birthday, I told her that I wanted my feet in the ocean on October 13th, and she made it happen.  We had to beg, borrow and steal, and the kids even chipped in a little, but on October 11th, after I went to my doctor in Salt Lake, we all piled in the Tahoe and headed south.  The weather was decent as we left Orem, but quickly turned dreadful.  Traveling through the Virgin River Gorge was a bit precarious as the clouds decided to open up and let drench the earth.  Unfortunately, the road was part of the earth and driving was a bit dicey.  We arrived in Mesquite to a drizzle and got our bags into the hotel room.  We could not go swimming, so we decided to go bowling.  There was a bowling league there that night and they told us there would be no open lanes until 8:45, so we hit the arcade and played there for about an hour.  Christy and I decided to pass on the bowling as there is no IHC office in Mesquite.  Anna hurt herself when she accidentally crossed the line onto the lane and slipped on the slick floor.  I decided to try to knock a few pins down and made it ok, but my knee has not yet recovered.  While bowling, Christy decided to try her hand at Keno, which pay off in the form of $135 which paid for our hotel and bowling.  The next morning Jake paid for breakfast and we again headed south.  The GPS told us where to turn and we ignored it because we thought it was wrong.  The resulting backtrack cost us about 30 minutes of drive time, and would be the first of many arguments that we would have with the GPS on this trip.  We arrived in Calabasas in the early afternoon and after unloading the Tahoe, we headed down to Malibu Beach.  There was some construction at the state beach, so we had to walk a short distance to the beach, but it was worth the walk because it was beautiful and there were very few people there.  I ran on the beach for the first time in years.  We took some pictures and played in the surf.  It was a great time.  Anna bought us dinner and we took Christy back to the hotel because she was not feeling well.  The rest of us headed back to L. A. and up to the Griffith observatory.  This was the second time that we had GPS issues and it took us on and off the same freeway several  times and it took us well over a hour to get there. There was a concert at the Greek Theater(near the Observatory) and we almost turned back, but Anna made us go on and we made it there safely.  We all got to see Neptune through the most looked though telescope in the world and we made it back to the hotel fairly quickly without the GPS.

Life Changing Decisions

We have been struggling to make some decisions for a very long time. We want to make the best decisions for our children and for ourselves. We are a family and love and care for each other. Having a family of 7 is not always easy, but we wouldn't change it. It has especially been something we have been very much aware of lately since we have some one else's child for some time and want to be sure that she has a happy and rewarding experience with us. It is not something we could probably ever do, trusting some one else with our children, so we are honored that the Bahss family has given us this opportunity and we take everything we do very seriously as we LOVE Anna. That being said, there are many changes going on in our home at this time and we feel we should share them with everyone. Many of these decisions have been very hard to make and many tears have been shed and days spent in worry trying to decide what is best for our family. Please remember this has never been taken lightly as we consider all of our decisions important because they affect our kids and family and many others. This is what we feel is best for us at this time. ''

For the past several years we have not felt that we were in agreement with many of the teachings and actions regarding our church. We believe in the core teachings of the gospel and that it is, in its true state, the truth. We don't feel we can be a part of it at this time. There is simply too much happening that we feel is in contradiction to the teachings of the gospel . We have chosen to leave it at this time. We would hope that those of you that know and love us will know that this has been a very hard decision. Please do not ask us to participate in any activities pertaining to church and please do not ask us to do things in regards to callings, etc. Love our visiting teachers, but no longer want them. We haven't had a home teacher for several months so I don't think that will be a problem. We are no longer wearing garments. We respect the temple and it's meaning and don't feel like it would be proper to wear them with the feelings we have at this time. Basically, we are removing ourselves from this church for now. No idea what may happen in the future. Our kids will be allowed to choose if they want to continue attending seminary with no pressure from us and since they have made it clear that they want nothing to do with attending church, this is one less thing. Please understand that this has been a VERY hard decision but we feel the best one at this time. 

Dan is actively pursuing employment out of state. There is one job that looks quite promising but we really don't know what will happen so we just wait. We feel that it is best at this time for our kids to not be in what seems to be a toxic situation here and that it is good for them to see that there are good people and good things outside of here. They have felt very shunned as have we for a long time here and feel it may be best for all of us to start fresh somewhere else. We may or may not leave, but this is a possibility at this time. We have to think of ourselves and our well being and the well being of our children. 

We are sorry for what we know will come as a shock and make many of you feel bad. Please remember we love all of our friends and family. Just need to take care of ours right now. 

~Dan and Christy 

Arches, Goblin Valley

I am writing this just for a record of what we did last weekend.  I have a hard time remembering anything, and an account with some great pictures helps.  On Friday, Jake, Sam(the dog) and I went to the Grotto in Payson Canyon, we let the dog run and got some good shots.  Sam loved it, he does not get off the leash very often and he even got to chase some cows. 

Saturday Rick and LoReen took us out on their boat.  It has been years since we have done this, we used to go all the time.  We really appreciate them taking the time to take us out on the lake.  We slathered on sunscreen, grabbed some water, a few snacks and the camera, and headed off to the lake.  Unfortunately, Megan had to work and could not go.  Kyler got up on the wakeboard, Jake and Aubree tried, but did not quite make it.  I got bounced around on the tube, and so did everyone else.  We had a lot of fun and all came home burnt.  

Sunday morning Kyler, Aubree, Jake and myself headed out for Moab.  I have been to Moab before, with the scouts on a Colorado river trip, but none of the kids have ever been.  We drove down Sunday morning, leaving early after Christy made us breakfast.  We got to the campground at 10:00 and checked in to make sure that we had a place to lay our heads that night.  The campground was nice – had some tepees and an old church there.  We did not set up the tent because we did not want it to get blown away, we just got back in the car and headed to the park.  After paying our entrance fee, we went to the visitors center to check out the area and plan our day.   

We decided to start in the windows area of the park, and we headed off.  When we got to the first stop, I was very disappointed.  There was no parking, and there were tour buses everywhere.  I parked in an illegal space, slathered us all in sunscreen, grabbed the camera and some water and started up to the arches.  The first few times we came up on tourists, we tried to stay out of the way of those trying to shoot a picture, but we decided that was impossible due to the sheer number of cameras, so we just decided to head up to the arches and they would just have to shoot around us.  I am wondering how many of them will get home and wonder who the big guy is in the fluorescent green Vivint shirt is.   We stopped at the first arch, took some pictures of our own, had some people request that we take their pictures, and then headed off to the second arch. There were just a few people at the second arch, because the trail ended before the arch and most people did not walk down to it.  We got some great shots of the kids and that arch.  I was glad that Christy was not with me at that point as Jake kept climbing up the rocks and then finding interesting ways to get down.  We walked to the third arch (Turret Arch) and dodged tourists to get some shots in there.  

We were going to walk over to the double arch, but there were just too many people.  We decided that it was hot and that we wanted to go back to the pool at the campground to cool off.  We stopped in Moab and got some ice cream, gas and more sunscreen.  We got to the campground and someone was in our spot, so they moved us to another spot.  We ate lunch, got changed and got in the pool.  This pool is just a little smaller than the pools you can buy at Wal-Mart for your back yard.  It is an in-ground pool, but it is only four feet deep, about 10 feet long and six feet wide.  It was cool though.  Just what we were looking for at that time of day.  

We played there for a while and then went back to Arches National Park.  We again stopped at the visitors center and this time, I let the kids get a few souvenirs.   We drove to the parking lot at the trail head to the Delicate Arch, slathered on sunscreen, grabbed some water, some snacks and the camera, and off we went.  Kyler and Jake wore sports shorts with no pockets, and I made the mistake of wearing cargo shorts.  My pockets were full of snacks and water, and I was carrying the backpack with my camera, tripod and more water and snacks.  There was a younger girl in the car next to us that was wearing some bright orange shorts.  She started out at the same time we did, and I would gauge how slow I was going by how far ahead of us she was on the trail.  I was slow-going, over hills and rock and around a cliff, but we finally made it.  

The arch is really cool.  Not like I imagined it though.  There are drop offs all around, and you can’t approach it from the front side, you have to walk around the rock to get to it.  We took a lot of pictures and just spent time hanging out at the arch. 

 This is a major accomplishment for me.  I had knee surgery three weeks ago and gastric bypass surgery the week before that.  I had cortisone injections in both my knee and my foot days before leaving on the trip.  I am so glad that that we were able to go.  This trip had been planned for the exchange student to go on, but she left a few days before, and we decided to go anyway.  So glad that we did that.  After hanging out at the arch, we headed back down the mountain and back to the campground.  Kyler and I started the charcoal and Jake and Aubree went back to the pool.  We had prepared our tin-foil dinners that morning using vegetables out of the garden and some other stuff, so I put them on the grill and hung out and watched them cook.  There was a group of rowdy boys at the pool so I waited to go.  The dinners turned out perfect.  They were done, but not overcooked.   We ate and the boys left the pool, so Jake and I went back to the pool and Kyler and Aubree showered.  I had a hard time sleeping because I always have a hard time sleeping at camp, so as soon as the sun came up, I showered and took a few pictures of the sunrise.  The thermometer said it was 80 degrees as the sun was coming up.  

None of us slept in our sleeping bags, we all slept on top of them.   We got everything packed up and headed to Goblin Valley.  We had originally planned to hike some slot canyons in the area, but the heat had tired us and the blister on my right foot told me that it did not want to go.  When we got there, we slathered on sunscreen, grabbed some water, a few snacks and the camera, and headed off down into the valley.  We walked further back into the formations than I had ever gone before.  We found some really amazing formations that look like mud castles. 

Jake and Aubree climbed and Kyler and I watched.  We took a lot of pictures and had a good time.  Jake hurt his back when climbing down one of the formations, by he walked it off and was ok.  We pilled back into the Tahoe and started back to Orem.  Last time we were at Goblin Valley, my keys got locked in the car and a locksmith had to come rescue us, I did not let the keys out of my sight at any time during this adventure.  We made it home alive, and I slept very well that night.  We decided to go to the waterpark on Tuesday, and invited Sam and Lizzie to go with us.  We also took our neighbors.  We got there and found Travis and Jessica and their family.  We slathered everyone with sunscreen and had fun. 

Jake still ended up with a bad, blistering sunburn and the rest of us burnt as well.  But the fun was worth it.  Had to go back to work on Wednesday, but had such a great time over the weekend.  We all felt terrible because Meg had to work and did not get to do any of the fun stuff.  Her and Christy got to hang out on Sunday and Monday by themselves.  We are planning a return trip to Arches in November when it is cooler and when Rick and LoReen and Megan can go with us.

Back to This Place Once Again

Over the past several months I have been trying to see things in a different light. Hoping that life would take a turn for the better. To be completely honest, it did, for a while. Problem is that after a while everything went back to the same old thing, at least in many areas. I want all to know that I have put a lot of effort in to being hopeful and thinking positively. It does help, but when many others around me aren't changing and adjusting as well, it doesn't go anywhere.

I made a comment in Relief Society a few weeks ago about how a person becomes what they are consistently told they are.  A person can try to be happy and hopeful, but if the only reaction and comments they get from those around them are telling them they're hard to be around and completely negative, well, they become that. I know that I have struggled with this and that's what I said. The worst thing a person can say or do to me when I am already struggling to be happy and hopeful is to tell me I'm not doing a good enough job. I had many after that meeting come to me and tell me thank you for making that comment. That they didn't realize that this is what they were doing. I understand that, but felt it had to be said. I will admit that most of the adults that have been an issue in regards to Dan and I and our family have been much less judgmental and a lot more friendly to us over the past while. I so wish that was enough to help their children be this way. I have 4 kids who do not want to participate in any church activities or church itself. They have really tried to not let things bother them and participate and feel a part of things. Problem is that with a few people, it has gotten A LOT worse. Megan finally got a job after looking for a year and has to work most Sunday's. She has gotten so much negative backlash for this from her peers. Usually from those that don't have nor need a job, but that feel they should be telling her she is falling away from the path because she is being a responsible person and holding a job. This is no ones business but ours and Megan's. The thing is, why do others feel they need to watch and analyze and pick apart our family's flaws? Or what they think are flaws? It is a fight every Sunday. One that I won't continue to have. My kids are responsible, confident, independent people and they have free agency just like anyone else. Both of our daughters have expressed that they don't even want to go to camp next year if certain people are there. There are just a couple of girls that feel they are in charge, and take charge of everyone and have pretty much honed in on our girls for several years now. Why should everyone have to adjust to one or two? Shouldn't it be the other way around? 

Aubree is a free spirit. She has been babysitting this summer and earning some money for herself. She chose to have her ears pierced a second time and have her hair colored. I will admit that her hair is a little on the interesting side, but I did it! I colored it. She did it all with our permission. Honestly, she could be doing much worse things. These couple of things are trivial and don't really mean anything in the scheme of things, but to a few of her peers in church, this makes her a heathen that is going straight down a bad path and they will not be around her for fear that her badness will rub off on them. They have lectured and humiliated her so much that she doesn't want to even be around them. Again, this isn't concern, this is judgment. It isn't anyone elses business and they need to leave her alone. 

All of Jake's friends his age have moved. He also gets in trouble at church when he goes. He uses his ipod he got for his birthday for his scriptures and his peers, the only ones around, take exception to this and let him know he shouldn't have an ipod at church. These are 10, 11, and 12 year old kids!! COME ON!!!! First of all, there are more iPads and kindles at church than regular scriptures. It just shows how much people are honing in on our family and thinking they need to "SAVE" us. We are not heathens, we are just people who live in the world and accept people and situations for who they are instead of trying to "FIX" everyone. In fact, our girls got hassled at camp this year for the same thing people have been hassling all of us about for years now. Something they didn't even have anything to do with and that people have it all wrong about anyway! 

I will not be enforcing a go to church rule at this house any longer. I haven't really for a long time, but now, I most Sundays have a hard time making myself go. Can't make other people, and that's what they are, do something I am not sure I want to do. I have so many questions and frustration regarding church again. I can't understand how so many can preach (and I do mean preach, sometimes to a ridiculous level that makes me want to puke) one thing and do exactly the opposite. I know the Gospel is true, but can't wade through all of the other junk I have to to be able to go and participate and worship. Always something in complete contradiction. Dan has felt this way for a very long time and it has taken me a long time to understand how I feel, but I agree with him. Maybe at least now when people think our family are heathens who are lost they will at least be partially correct. We have a very large group of people who really do love us and care about us and think we are good loving people. It is an eclectic group that many here don't accept, but that is exactly the purpose for feeling this way so much now. Just because a person chooses a different way than you doesn't mean they are bad.Some of our best friends and family are gay. Some are not married and having kids, some are artistic models, the list goes on. The point is, they are the ones that have shown more Christlike actions than the majority of those who claim to be living this way. When Dan was in the hospital having his surgery, it was a friend who was in the middle of a divorce with interesting happenings, and a model than Dan has shot quite a bit that took care of our family. We didn't even gt a phone call from anyone around our neighborhood or ward. That's not true, Will and Bro. Wengreen came over and offered a blessing for Dan. Problem is that while Dan loves them for coming, he just wasn't in the frame of mind to accept it. That is it though. Nothing else. We have friends that are a gay couple who live not far from here that check in on us regularly just to make sure we are doing well. These are Christlike actions. 

We recently had a horrible experience with an exchange student. We are new to this, and felt we were very prepared for this situation. I guess we should have studied more about the French culture. I will just say that I don't have a very nice opinion of french teenagers. This has really hurt our family, but we are looking forward with faith and hope to the next person coming. Her name is Anna and she is from Germany. We have formed a friendship with her parents and with her and feel she will be a good fit in our family for the next 10 months. She seems like a very nice young lady who is down to earth and loving. We are excited to meet her. 

We keep trying to see hope for the future. It gets harder and harder as things unfold and life happens. We just tonight got some stressful news. I will share more later about that. 

Thanks for reading, sorry it's not a happy post again. Just need to get it out there so I know I've done what needs to be and then when people want to talk behind my back and think they know what's going on, I know what I have said. I know I have given no chance for misunderstanding. 

~Christy

The Long Awaited Day Has Arrived

I am writing this post as I sit in the waiting room at LDS hospital for Dan to get out of surgery. We have waited for this day to arrive for an entire year now. A few months/weeks ago we weren't even sure if it ever would. Thankfully it did and Dan is now in the process of having a life changing surgery. I can't even begin to explain how much this will change his life for the better. It's a hard road to try so hard to lose weight and not be able to no matter what you do. I have been so excited for him since we got the approval for this. It's so exciting to think that our kids and I are going to get back the husband and father that Dan "wants" to be. He wants to go hiking and to the amusement parks and stuff with his kids and now he will be able to do it. 

Here are a couple of pics from earlier today.

Anyway, I don't have a whole lot else to say about this right now. Hopefully I will tomorrow. 

Since I last posted, Kyler graduated from 4 years of seminary and passed his GED test on the first shot 113% above average. We are very proud of him. Now we are in the process of securing financial aid and getting him enrolled in college. 

The other 3 kids finished their school year. Megan will now be a Junior and Aubree a Freshman, with Jake in the 6th grade. We chose to pull the girls out of Maeser and put them in their assigned schools. It was a long hard decision, because we love Maeser's method of teaching and SOOO many people there, but some of the decisions made by the board over the past year were just not things we could agree with. Plus, we are hosting exchange students this year. One for 3 weeks in July. Her name is Ambre Thevenon and she is from France. The the other one is Anna Bahss, and she is from Germany. She will be with us for the entire next school year. She could not go to Maeser and has to go to Timpanogos. We think that having Megan there will be good for both of them. They have similar interests, and we think they will be in the same grade. 

We also got a kitten about a month ago. Her name is Speedy Gonzales Hansen.  

She lives up to her name. She is everywhere. She is so cute though and very loving. We just had her fixed this past Saturday. She wasn't happy about it, but is doing well. 

Rebecca is not living with us anymore. She is with her dad. We all feel this is best at this time. We are taking care of her dog Tazz until she can take him. Sometimes life just takes a turn you don't want or expect, but turns out for the best. We wish her good luck and hope she knows we love her. 

I think that is about it for now. I'll try to update later. 

~Christy

My How Things Can Change In a Few Weeks Time

Since I last posted, there has been quite a lot of change go on here. We do not have dull moments, there is always something happening. I guess this is our cross to bear. I am going to attach an article at the end of this post that is a subject I have written about on here many times and spoken of A LOT!! Dan posted it on Facebook this morning and it made me cry. Very close to my heart. 

So, one Sunday a little over a month ago I was lying in bed with a headache and no intent or desire to go to church (refer to the previous posts) when Jake came in and said "Mom, get up! We need to go to church today!" I said I had a headache and wasn't going to go. He left for a bit, but then came back about 20 minutes later, "MOM! Get up! It's time to go, we need to go!" I was sort of ticked by then. I told him to leave me alone and that I was going back to sleep and my head hurt. He walked away and then came back yet again! "MOM!!!!" By then I was mad. I told him to leave me alone! He walked away discouraged and as I laid there it dawned on me that there must be a reason he was so determined to go this day. At this point I rolled out of bed and told him to get dressed and I got dressed and we left. I very grudgingly sat in the bench. It was Ward Conference that day. I didn't smile, nor speak to anyone. We were late. It wasn't long before I realized what the reason was for being there. The talks that were given that day were ones that if I hadn't heard with my own ears I would have not believed were given. They were pretty much exactly what I had been hoping, begging, and wondering if ever would be given. They were about loving everyone and worrying about yourselves and what you can make better, not what you can tell others to do better. I asked Jake why he was so sure about going that day. He said he didn't know other than he just felt like it was important. This is the second time Jake has been prompted to hold his family together. I often wonder what he is destined to be. He is very much in tune with the Spirit. I have been every Sunday since. I am still wary and have a hard time trusting people, but I am trying. Things seem to be different and I am sure there have been changes made. Just still not feeling totally comfortable. I hope it will come in time. 

Aubree's very best friend has been a victim of some pretty serious bullying. As has Aubree, but the friend and her family have really been treated bad. This happening was so bad that her friend had to be pulled from school and transferred for her protection. In one months time, Aubree lost cheer and her best friend at school. They are still besties, but no longer have each other for support as far as school. This has been hard on Aubree, but she is making it though. There were a couple of hard days in the last few weeks, but she is doing better now. 

So, we have been dealing with car issues for at least a month. We lost every car we had in a few months time. They all just died. It made us feel a little cursed. We take care of our vehicles, but they just died. In all honesty, they were old and paid their dues. We went a month or so with Kyler's car, my dad's 73 truck, and Jim's truck. My dad's truck does pretty well for being almost 40 years old, but I think it uses like 6 gallons to the mile...LOL! It was what we had though and we appreciate having it when we needed it. Right after we got my dad's truck, the fuel pump went out while Dan was driving it. Kylers car won't go in reverse, but it's still drivable, and we were driving Jim's truck the other day and the clutch went out. See what I mean about a curse? That's just the borrowed cars. Not even what happened with ours! Anyway, we talked for a while and decided we had to figure out how to get a newer car. It took some very creative financing and a lot of nerves about the payments, but we did get a "new to us" vehicle. We love it. It is what we have wanted and were even able to get a warranty. At least now we have peace of mind when it comes to our vehicle. Here is a picture. 

It is a 2005 Tahoe. Three seats and everything. SOOOO nice. I'm just happy I didn't have to go back to a minivan. We've had it a week today. LOVE IT!!!

So now we come to the happenings of this week. Not only are we still waiting on an approval for something very important for Dan, My dad had a procedure on Monday and then Tuesday was my mom's 75th birthday. My dad had surgery on Thursday and Thursday was also my brother in law's 60th birthday. We had a surprise party for him. In the midst of all of this, we got some news from Kyler's special ed teachers that made us have to make some big decisions. We finally came to the conclusion that he would never make it to graduation. He simply had too much to make up and still keep up with current stuff. He has done a pretty good job with what he has to deal with, but it became clear that it was just too much. We decided to withdraw him from school and have him take the equivalency test. This is very close to the same as a high school graduate now and it works out much better for him. He will be 18 a week from today and will be able to start out his adulthood with a clean slate and nothing dragging behind him from the past. We have already gotten things set up for this and feel good about it. We are told he should be able to pass the test just fine. He will be working and moving on with life. It was very sad saying goodbye yesterday. All of the faculty and staff at the school were very supportive and love him and sent him off with good wishes. We are hoping things keep working out for him. He is a good person who is just trying very hard to find his way. However unique that way may be. We are sad, but are proud of him for deciding to move forward. All we ask is that everyone please give him encouragement and support while he makes this transition into adulthood. Not easy without any challenges, imagine what he is dealing with. Love and support from friends and family are the best thing for him and all of us right now. Also very much appreciated. 

Well, I think this is it for now. I'm sure I will have more to say soon. Here is the article I spoke of earlier. We love Kirby, he says those things that need to be said but no one dares say. This article is very close to my heart. I cried while reading it and hope it sends a message to many who need to hear it.  Thank you to all who still love and support us. 

Kirby: We all have crosses to bear. Don’t lose sight of your own

By Robert Kirby

The Salt Lake Tribune

First published Mar 23 2012 02:26PM
Updated Mar 23, 2012 07:54PM

For the record, I take several medications for assorted mental health issues. I’ve taken them off and on for the past 30 years.

I have no idea what these drugs do for me. I have noticed the effect they have on other people, though. When I take my meds, they seem to become less annoying. Odd how that works.

I’ve come to terms with my condition. I’m not even all that embarrassed by it. It’s just the cross I drag through life.

Fortunately, I’ve had the support of some patient and loving people.

Wasn’t always that way. I used to think my condition was entirely my fault, that it wasn’t a physiological problem like bad eyesight or a missing limb.

Because the problem has no obvious physical manifestation, it makes it difficult for other people to understand it and make allowances.

It’s easy to tell when someone is missing a leg. It isn’t there. And you can’t pretend it is no matter how optimistically giddy you are about it. It’s a bit harder to do that with psychological issues.

I do what I can to make my situation better. In addition to remembering to take my meds, I’ve learned several work-arounds that help me avoid dragging my cross into a no-win situation.

For example, I don’t do well in overly regimented environments. Those tend to be filled with people for whom rules and obedience are the solutions to just about everything.

So I avoid them. And I don’t blame myself (anymore) for doing that.

Like a guy with no legs, I don’t simply assume that a positive mental attitude will make me an NFL quarterback. And neither will prayer.

Recently, one of my friends told me that his missionary son had been counseled to cope with his severe depression by praying more. The Lord would help him through it. Medication was OK if you needed that sort of thing, but wasn’t the Lord the best doctor?

This is great logic if you’re not similarly afflicted. Hey, it’s amazingly easy to think up possible solutions when you don’t understand the actual problem.

Nobody would think of telling someone with no legs to just pray for new ones. Maybe that’s why you never read of Jesus in the New Testament saying, "Stupid lepers. Just pray and be more obedient."

The scary part is that my friend’s son Mike will drag home a load of self-loathing if his depression worsens and he can’t finish his mission. He’ll come back believing that he’s spiritually defective rather than just biologically challenged.

It won’t be his fault, but lots of people won’t let him think that.

After all, there’s nothing really wrong with him other than he won’t run fast enough to keep up with God and the rest of us. Right?

Personal trials are an inescapable part of life. They’re also relative to the individual. Different people, different crosses.

Nobody drags theirs the same way.

Sometimes the burden is obvious to everyone, including the person doing the lugging. Other times the cross is far less identifiable, not only to the owner but everyone remotely connected to it.

Mental health issues can be tough to figure out, especially in highly judgmental environments where appearances are enormously important.

Mike’s cross is severe depression. Your cross might be that you’re too dogmatic and ignorant to recognize it. You can’t help someone with their burden if your own keeps getting in the way.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/notpatbagley.